Umm...

I want to write. It feels like there is something inside of me waiting to be said...maybe bubbling to the surface soon, but I'm not sure what it is. As it is, my mind is all a swirl with different thoughts.

Some of the blogs I read pull off the great balance of appearing to be somewhat spur of the moment, journal type entries (the kind that make you feel like you know EVERYTHING about the author and their life!), while still pretty much always having every post be about one subject, well thought out, well put together and well edited. I used to use this blog as a journal, straight up. I used to just pour my heart out on these "pages", and these days it just doesn't seem possible any more. So, one of my thoughts is about wanting to have a blog like that- a blog that is possibly not ONLY about Beni, that contains some of my heartfelt thoughts, but doesn't cross the line of, "Oh God we didn't want to know that about her!"

Other thoughts... did you know that I am now officially a stay-at-home-mom? As in, I get to stay in this position indefinitely. We are already thinking about our next posting- most especially where it might be. But, we've changed our status from teaching couple with one dependent to one teacher with two dependents. It does change things for us, and will make finding a great job for Joel a little more tricky. But I have every belief that it is possible and that we will do it. We are in a financial position to be able to afford to live on one income, and I just couldn't shake the thought, "If someone is going to do the "job" of raising my kids every day...why not me?"

I would love to find a way to earn some money working from home. Of course, if I were living in the States this would probably be way easier. I have no idea how to do it from abroad. As it is, I have taken on tutoring three days a week, for an hour at a time. Currently I have two girls, and soon I might add a third child. The money I make from tutoring is ridiculous. Apparently, tutors make good money! Two of the days I tutor, Beni hangs out with Joel. On Wednesdays Joel has a staff meeting, and I am able to take Beni with me. It really couldn't be a better set up.

If there were a way for me to earn money doing something to have to do with natural birth at this point, I would do it. I don't know what that could be though. I would love to get certified and teach natural child birth classes, or maybe even be a doula. I'm not sure. But I am also really not sure what kind of a market there would be for any of that abroad. Hmmm...

I'm just going to say this.... I can't wait to be pregnant again. I am loving every day with Beni. It is amazing watching her grow and change and be able to do new things. I make sure, absolutely sure, to stop every day and just breathe her in, appreciate her, and get really present to who she is at that moment. All that said, I still can't wait to be pregnant again, to grow another person, to have another tiny little baby. I really felt like a superhero while pregnant, I mean, hello, I was GROWING A PERSON!!! I also felt beautiful while pregnant, which for any of you that know me well, know is an accomplishment. My body finally felt like it looked the way it was supposed to while pregnant. In fact, it was like my body had been waiting for pregnancy as long as I had. My body apparently misses pregnancy quite a lot, because it refuses to not look pregnant anymore. Sigh. Working on that one.

Anyway, don't get too excited- we won't be getting pregnant any time soon. We will probably follow the path of so many others and space our child somewhere around two to three years apart. But, I just can't wait for it! :)

Enough... I need to write a coherent post, I guess at some point when I have something coherent to say. Hopefully the time will come soon.