Beni in black and white

A few more pics of my baby girl. :)
Ain't she cute?

My desire to understand my camera, be able to use it in manual modes, and to take good pictures on purpose, instead of by chance, is back.

I took all of these pictures yesterday as I was messing with my camera settings. I have also since messed with them in a photo editing software. This top one is my favorite.

In big news, Beni can now push up so high on her arms. She is working on getting her legs under her as well. So far we're mostly seeing one leg come way up, but the other doesn't follow. Which is funny, because there was one day I swore she was on the verge of getting up on all fours all day- but, she's still got a way to go. Which is ok by me. The fact that she can now scoot backwards already complicates things. She keeps finding her way off the carpet onto the cold, hard tiles. I worry about her rolling over and hitting her head on the tile! Today, she was playing on the carpet by herself and next thing I know she was almost stuck under the armchair, because she had scooted way back. Her legs were under it. Silly girl.
So, the days of just leaving her somewhere while you quickly do something are coming to a swift close.

That's ok. Watching her grow and change is by far the most amazing thing I have ever had the honor to participate in. Some days, I'm not going to lie, I still can't believe she's mine. In fact, how's this- in October we're going on a holiday to Cape Town, South Africa. We're traveling with two other couples. One of the women we're going with just loves babies, and any time she sees Beni she always wants to hold her and play with her, etc. I can hardly blame her (and it doesn't bother me cause she gives her back if she gets fussy)! Anyway, one day, I sort of noticed that I was having a little bit of anxiety about it (the holiday), and then I thought to myself, "Mara, she's yours. You can take her back anytime you want!" Seriously, my thought process was basically that I was thinking this was all going to come to an end for me. Nope, I get to keep her as long as she'll have me!

I really love every day that I have with her. I mean, I can be doing something as mundane as working out, she'll be sitting on the floor playing with her toys, and then she'll just look at me, and smile the biggest smile, almost as if to say, "I sure am glad you're here." Back at ya kid, back at ya.

Also, just as a side note- do you remember how when I was pregnant I always said that I thought Beni was a boy, BUT, I knew in my heart of hearts, that I would have a daughter someday? Well, for one thing, I wonder if my signals weren't just getting crossed because there was so much external pressure or expectation for her to be a boy, but anyway, that's neither here nor there any more. What I want to say is that the other day, well, a couple weeks ago, it just came to me that we would have another daughter, and then a son. So, who knows. I just wanted to write that down somewhere, so that it was there to come back to someday. Kind of like I documented the fact that I knew I would marry Joel like a week into things. :)

Also, as a very final note, I have to say that it kills me that I cannot use q-tips on Beni (they say it's not safe to do so with babies). My nails are kind of short right now, and I can't scrape much wax out of her ears with these shorties. But it's there, every time she nurses, just staring me in the face, taunting me, "You can get me, you can't get me!" Oh you just wait, you ear wax you, a couple more days, you'll be further out, and I will get you! Ah, just remember, this comes from the chicky who loves popping zits, too. :)