The meaning of life

It's been four months, only four, since GS and I started spending time together. We just counted the other day. When I said, "It seems like it's been longer", he answered with, "A lifetime already." This he said in that loving, caring, I would be happy to know you for a life time way, not the when will it end way. So when things are going so swimmingly, one (me) is left to wonder what the hell else is going on...

It's been almost 6 months since I wrote my last seething words to the one who came before. Our last conversations and emails were so full of hate and hurt and disappointment... So why, in this time of apparent happiness, am I left wondering what HG is up to these days?

Is it natural when the pain, and hurt and anger have finally worn off, to start wondering what your ex's are up to? To start remembering the days when you actually had fun together? The days when I love you's were expressed with nearly every breath? The days before it all went wrong?

I wouldn't go back. As I sit and listen to GS strum a made up tune on his guitar (in a new home for now, MY home) I am happy. I sometimes still stop and think, "Is this real?" I look at him and squeeze him, and whisper words into his ear... "Es tevi milu." "Wo ai ni." And he looks back at me, and before he lands a sweet kiss on my lips, he whispers them back. Life is good.

I just read in the book I am reading (Expecting Adam by Martha Beck), "The meaning of life is not what happens to people. The meaning of life is what happens between people."

Maybe it is natural to wonder, to think about someone from the past... wonder if they ever wonder about you... and maybe even to think about how else it could have happened, when else it could have ended, how that would have changed me, or him. In the end, it ended the way it did, and there is nothing to do about that now except learn from it...and continue to hold dear the moments that were once dear...

In any case, there is a love song sounding out from the guitar now... and its calling me away from this here computer... calling me to enjoy the things that happen between people in small moments like these. Moments, that I will hopefully be able to cherish forever, no matter how or when or if it ends.