Have you ever watched a little kid eat... I mean really? Ever had the pleasure of trying to talk a kid into eating something that they are just NOT interested in? I have...and for WAY TOO LONG I took it as a challenge...get the kid to eat...and MAKE him/her eat at least some of this, and that, etc.

Did you know that children are born able to listen to their bodies, a skill that most of us adults have long since lost? The studies have been done... the data collected... given a healthy variety of foods, a child will naturally eat a balanced diet in a few days time. Not at every meal. In a few days time. Given a healthy variety of food. Not "McD's or hotdogs?"

I've been working on "conscious eating" for a few months now. Eat what you want, when you want it, and stop when you have had enough. It's such a simple concept that I'm sure MANY would want to argue "It won't work!" Well... I'm keeping my head up, and my hopes too... because I believe that if I give up control long enough, I will regain what I had as a child. Regain the ability for not only my body to know what I need, but the ability for my mind to hear it.

I have been plagued recently with thoughts about the diet industry in America and here in Latvia. While my boyfriend thinks I am beautiful, and is happy with what he's got in me... he told me the other day that a woman we saw on tv who was so skinny you could count her ribs was beautiful. Now, I'm not arguing... she had a pretty face. But her body was a tortured being. No normal well fed adult woman has ribs like that poking out of her sides. Sorry, I don't believe it. And I know this. So, why did I get a sinking feeling in my stomach, and a frown on my face, if I KNOW that this is not a healthy way to be?

Well DS and I discussed today... we're pretty sure we're past "fixing" when it comes to our own attitudes. It's been ingrained in us to feel like we also need to be like this. We're not sure if we can change that now... if we can ever get rid of that little voice... at this point, the fight is to quiet it, to appreciate other things, and hope that that voice will just leave you alone.

My head is a-jumble with thoughts on this subject... the why's and the who's and how come's. Like, even for money, why would corporations want to create a whole world of people who will hate themselves? Who decided in recent history that skin and bones skinny was pretty... and who conceded that it was true? And why, didn't someone, anyone along the way, let me know it was all a lie?

And you know what is worse... the women, we are the ones who suffer about all this... but the men... they have been affected too... when instead of actually seeing beauty where natural beauty lies, men see a bag of bones (sometimes even blown up in select spots with other substances, and colored so many colors of the rainbow) and think, yup, that's pretty.

We've all been lied to. Told that our bodies are dangerous. Ravenous. Not to be trusted. Out to harm us. Work against us. That they are imperfect. Stupid.

Bodies, that WITHOUT intervention can create and sustain life, are too stupid to know what and when and how much to eat. Imagine that.

I for one, am giving the power back to MY BODY. This amazing being that carries me about my daily life... that lets me feel, and experience. I believe in it. I believe in my body's strength to fight against all the harm I have caused it over the years... not just all the crap that I have continually shoveled into it, but also all the hateful words that I have slung at it, hoping that they would change something. I believe in my bodies ability to heal. To show me, that even after great pain and suffering, there is regrowth, renewal, healing. My body knows. My body is willing to share. I am ready to listen.