Hey yeah, we're back. Still a little jet-lagged and discombobulated. The living room is still a giant mess, mostly strewn with piles of stuff that we acquired in the US. I have to figure out what to do with it all in the meantime.
Anyway, I had big plans to write up our trip last night, and then I drank a bottle of Pinot Noir (thanks KS!) and played PS2 with Joel instead.
Tonight may be the night.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Take me with you!
Everyone wants to go to the States. Even the cat. See, he's packed himself. T-6 hours til taxi pick up. I'm sleepy.
See you on the flip-side.
Oh, and a HUGE, HUGE thanks goes out to SZJ for taking care of this wonder, who will be unpacked before we get in the taxi, while we're gone. I will be able to enjoy myself that much more knowing he's in good hands! You're the best!
See you on the flip-side. Oh, and a HUGE, HUGE thanks goes out to SZJ for taking care of this wonder, who will be unpacked before we get in the taxi, while we're gone. I will be able to enjoy myself that much more knowing he's in good hands! You're the best!
I lied
Yesterday I said that it was coming down wet and heavy and not sticking... grrr... this morning we wake up to practically a winter wonderland- it feels like it should be December- but it's not, which just makes it annoying!
Worse yet, I just got word from my parents that the weather in the midwest is similar. :( Oh well- at least in Michigan I'll have friends and family and shopping and restaurants and all those other goodies to keep me busy! :) We leave early tomorrow morning (we'll be at the airport around 5am) and will arrive in Chicago around 2pm Thursday Chicago time. Oh, if only it was really that short a flight! :)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Snow and other reasons to leave Latvia
I just took this out the window. I know it's not the best picture, but, you can see the millions of small white flecks- snow. Today is March 18th. I know it's not the latest it's ever snowed, but, I'm over it. Especially since it seems a few weeks ago we were having sunny and somewhat warm weather; it was +10 at least! Anyway... none of this snow is sticking, but it is making it a wet world out there. I'm just ready for spring-like weather since the first day of spring is in two days!
Also, I will not tell the whole long story, because I have already told it a few times, but yesterday a little old lady- who really looked like a kind of nice and classy old grandma, told me, literally, to fuck off on the bus. Why? Not because I was stealing her purse, or pushing or shoving or doing any number of highly inappropriate things that people do on buses here, but because I don't speak Russian. I was so minding my own business, talking to DS (most probably in English!) and when she started talking to me in Russian, I just nicely said that I don't speak Russian. She then proceeded to start mocking me, rolling her eyes, speaking some German as well, and lastly, when I just continued to stare at her wide-eyed, she told me to fuck off- in grammatically incorrect Latvian. It really made my day. NOT. It really made me sad I'm leaving this country. NOT.
I'm a little cranky today. I need a nap.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Saturday Morning Navel Gazing
(This is going to be a writer-bares-all type of post- intimate and detailed- read at your own risk.)
Recently, it seems, loads of women in my circles are finding themselves. They are getting through all the SHIT that is there to get through, and they are getting to the truth that is inside.
It's making me wonder about myself, and how long it will take for me to get there.
These women are inspirations to me... they don't take things too seriously, they surround themselves with people that make them smile and laugh, they move their bodies with ease, dedication and most of all FUN, they feed their bodies with food that nourishes and satisfies them, they take time to do things that matter to them, and don't buy into the hype around stuff that they don't care about. They know their own value- and it has nothing to do with the man standing next to them, or the number written on the inside of their pants. Oh, and, most of these women are also aged 50 +/-5 years.
As for me... well... lately, I've been sneaking food. You know, waiting until no one is watching and then grabbing the extra plate of dinner, the candy bar or the cookies. Eating it pretty quickly, and without tasting much of it. I've been sick the last week, so I've been using that as an excuse, but, I also quit exercising because after more than a month of getting up a half hour earlier at least 4 times a week and moving my body I wasn't seeing ANY changes- wasn't seeing them or feeling them.
I've regressed in my growth- given up, once again feeling like I will never reach a state of physical being or health that I once had.
More distressing is that my whole self-worth is wrapped up in what I look like, what number is inside my pants, and how crappily I treat the only body I have.
I'm leaving for the States in just a few days. I am of course, very excited about this. Do you know though, the thing that makes me not want to go? Being fat. Being the fattest I have ever been in my life. Knowing that of my four parents, there will be at least one if not two, who will comment on the fact that I have reached this state. Knowing that I am going to meet old friends who have not seen me in over two years- some in nearly 10 years, and the first impression will be, "Wow, she's sure gotten fat." The shame is overwhelming.
God help me if anyone I run into asks me if I am pregnant. It wouldn't be the first time that it's happened, but that doesn't mean I will take it any better than usual, or that that person will live.
Over two years ago I embarked on a journey into re-learning how to eat which I wrote a bit about here. That was two years ago that I was ready and willing to let go and let nature, let go and be healthy. Since then I have had ups and downs, but basically, I have ended up about 8kgs heavier than then and still in the same old patterns of over-eating, self-loathing and little exercise.
The other day Joel and I were on a tram to somewhere and I was in a crying fit (meaning one of those times where it doesn't matter where we are (hello tram) or what is going on, but the tears just start streaming down my face and there is nothing that can stop them) about how fucked up I am. And I started to wonder, is it because my childhood was REALLY that bad that I got THIS messed up from it? Or is it that it wasn't that bad, but I'm just weak, and can't handle it? Or was it post childhood stuff that fucked me up? Was it one too many boyfriends who echoed my dad's voice concerning my body- and then weren't the ones and left and opened up another hole for me to stuff food into? And WHO was it that led me down the road of self-worth=body size anyway???
(God help me that my potential mother in law, sisters in law and who knows else is reading this and thinking, EEEK- RUN! and get her away from Joel!)
It turns out that for me, nothing, so far, has been enough. I have been through SO MANY programs and therapies and diets and exercise programs and none of it- nothing has been the thing that would make a difference for me.
Either this is so deep that it needs way more, or I'm just broken.
People tell me all the time how awesome and courageous I am. About how I've done so much in my life already, and they have been such exciting things. I am smart, I'm working on a graduate degree, I teach children, and lots of parents would say that I have done a great job. I have traveled and seen more of the world than many will in their whole lives. I am in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man. I'm moving to Africa in a few months!
And yet, and yet, the only thing that seems to matter TO ME is that I can't fit into my pants- or that I have had to buy increasingly larger sizes every few months to keep up with the ever expanding belly. When I see a picture of myself at this size, I cry.
Why can't I see myself the way that other people see me? Why can't I value the other accomplishments instead of my BMI?
So, this makes me wonder, how long will it take for me to get where these other women in my circles are getting? Is it a matter of time? Do I have to reach age 50 before I can get through all of this shit and finally find the truth inside? Or, will I be one of those women, who at age 50+ is still singing the same old diet and self-loathing song?
I am left wondering still, what it will take. Will becoming a mother change me? Will I just have other things to worry about and no time or space in my head for self-loathing? Will the experience of pregnancy in and of itself change the way I see my body? Or will I become one of those mommies who eats her own meal, and then eats whats left over on her kids plates too- because motherhood DOES NOT break the binge cycle for all! God knows there are plenty of women in this country who get back down to size 0 a couple of weeks post-birth, but there are way more women all over the world who never ever lose the baby weight. Which one will I be? And will I care?
Is my problem that I am too much of an open book? Even my therapist says that the problem is not in and of itself that I am too open, but that in my openness I expect that others will share with me equally openly, and most don't. Which means, I'm giving away so much of myself, and not getting enough in return. I'm left with holes. Holes that need to be filled with something. Why not food? Why not self-hate?
Do I need to take a man's point of view on this one? Just eat less and exercise more? God if only it were that simple. WHY did I eat two dinners last night, why, even though I knew I wasn't hungry, and didn't need the food, and was AWARE of this, why did I do it anyway? I think if I could answer this question, then I could be more like a man, and I could handle it with the simple equation of eat less, exercise more.
Does this whole post make me a voice for women the world over who suffer life I do, or am I baring my unique and individual demons for the world to see- and scaring people off in the process?
For me, this post has given way to a serious cry, been a great way to procrastinate doing my school work, and well, sort of left me with another hole.
I don't know the answers to any of this. I don't have any inspired moves to take next. And I don't want anybody to comment on this post with something like, "Try pilates!" or "Have you ever tried Weight Watchers?" because that is NOT the point!
I'm just going to leave it, as is. This is one aspect of me, one side, maybe just one demon. Now it is here. Hopefully, God willing, it is ever so slightly more here than inside of me now, and it can stay that way.
But the question remains, will it happen when I'm 50?
Recently, it seems, loads of women in my circles are finding themselves. They are getting through all the SHIT that is there to get through, and they are getting to the truth that is inside.
It's making me wonder about myself, and how long it will take for me to get there.
These women are inspirations to me... they don't take things too seriously, they surround themselves with people that make them smile and laugh, they move their bodies with ease, dedication and most of all FUN, they feed their bodies with food that nourishes and satisfies them, they take time to do things that matter to them, and don't buy into the hype around stuff that they don't care about. They know their own value- and it has nothing to do with the man standing next to them, or the number written on the inside of their pants. Oh, and, most of these women are also aged 50 +/-5 years.
As for me... well... lately, I've been sneaking food. You know, waiting until no one is watching and then grabbing the extra plate of dinner, the candy bar or the cookies. Eating it pretty quickly, and without tasting much of it. I've been sick the last week, so I've been using that as an excuse, but, I also quit exercising because after more than a month of getting up a half hour earlier at least 4 times a week and moving my body I wasn't seeing ANY changes- wasn't seeing them or feeling them.
I've regressed in my growth- given up, once again feeling like I will never reach a state of physical being or health that I once had.
More distressing is that my whole self-worth is wrapped up in what I look like, what number is inside my pants, and how crappily I treat the only body I have.
I'm leaving for the States in just a few days. I am of course, very excited about this. Do you know though, the thing that makes me not want to go? Being fat. Being the fattest I have ever been in my life. Knowing that of my four parents, there will be at least one if not two, who will comment on the fact that I have reached this state. Knowing that I am going to meet old friends who have not seen me in over two years- some in nearly 10 years, and the first impression will be, "Wow, she's sure gotten fat." The shame is overwhelming.
God help me if anyone I run into asks me if I am pregnant. It wouldn't be the first time that it's happened, but that doesn't mean I will take it any better than usual, or that that person will live.
Over two years ago I embarked on a journey into re-learning how to eat which I wrote a bit about here. That was two years ago that I was ready and willing to let go and let nature, let go and be healthy. Since then I have had ups and downs, but basically, I have ended up about 8kgs heavier than then and still in the same old patterns of over-eating, self-loathing and little exercise.
The other day Joel and I were on a tram to somewhere and I was in a crying fit (meaning one of those times where it doesn't matter where we are (hello tram) or what is going on, but the tears just start streaming down my face and there is nothing that can stop them) about how fucked up I am. And I started to wonder, is it because my childhood was REALLY that bad that I got THIS messed up from it? Or is it that it wasn't that bad, but I'm just weak, and can't handle it? Or was it post childhood stuff that fucked me up? Was it one too many boyfriends who echoed my dad's voice concerning my body- and then weren't the ones and left and opened up another hole for me to stuff food into? And WHO was it that led me down the road of self-worth=body size anyway???
(God help me that my potential mother in law, sisters in law and who knows else is reading this and thinking, EEEK- RUN! and get her away from Joel!)
It turns out that for me, nothing, so far, has been enough. I have been through SO MANY programs and therapies and diets and exercise programs and none of it- nothing has been the thing that would make a difference for me.
Either this is so deep that it needs way more, or I'm just broken.
People tell me all the time how awesome and courageous I am. About how I've done so much in my life already, and they have been such exciting things. I am smart, I'm working on a graduate degree, I teach children, and lots of parents would say that I have done a great job. I have traveled and seen more of the world than many will in their whole lives. I am in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man. I'm moving to Africa in a few months!
And yet, and yet, the only thing that seems to matter TO ME is that I can't fit into my pants- or that I have had to buy increasingly larger sizes every few months to keep up with the ever expanding belly. When I see a picture of myself at this size, I cry.
Why can't I see myself the way that other people see me? Why can't I value the other accomplishments instead of my BMI?
So, this makes me wonder, how long will it take for me to get where these other women in my circles are getting? Is it a matter of time? Do I have to reach age 50 before I can get through all of this shit and finally find the truth inside? Or, will I be one of those women, who at age 50+ is still singing the same old diet and self-loathing song?
I am left wondering still, what it will take. Will becoming a mother change me? Will I just have other things to worry about and no time or space in my head for self-loathing? Will the experience of pregnancy in and of itself change the way I see my body? Or will I become one of those mommies who eats her own meal, and then eats whats left over on her kids plates too- because motherhood DOES NOT break the binge cycle for all! God knows there are plenty of women in this country who get back down to size 0 a couple of weeks post-birth, but there are way more women all over the world who never ever lose the baby weight. Which one will I be? And will I care?
Is my problem that I am too much of an open book? Even my therapist says that the problem is not in and of itself that I am too open, but that in my openness I expect that others will share with me equally openly, and most don't. Which means, I'm giving away so much of myself, and not getting enough in return. I'm left with holes. Holes that need to be filled with something. Why not food? Why not self-hate?
Do I need to take a man's point of view on this one? Just eat less and exercise more? God if only it were that simple. WHY did I eat two dinners last night, why, even though I knew I wasn't hungry, and didn't need the food, and was AWARE of this, why did I do it anyway? I think if I could answer this question, then I could be more like a man, and I could handle it with the simple equation of eat less, exercise more.
Does this whole post make me a voice for women the world over who suffer life I do, or am I baring my unique and individual demons for the world to see- and scaring people off in the process?
For me, this post has given way to a serious cry, been a great way to procrastinate doing my school work, and well, sort of left me with another hole.
I don't know the answers to any of this. I don't have any inspired moves to take next. And I don't want anybody to comment on this post with something like, "Try pilates!" or "Have you ever tried Weight Watchers?" because that is NOT the point!
I'm just going to leave it, as is. This is one aspect of me, one side, maybe just one demon. Now it is here. Hopefully, God willing, it is ever so slightly more here than inside of me now, and it can stay that way.
But the question remains, will it happen when I'm 50?
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Painful mistakes
So, every once in a while, I think to myself, surely, I must not have THAT much trouble with dairy...I mean... come on... it's delicious!
As you may know I gave up dairy for LentAl (read here for more on that). This means that since February 6th, I have been avoiding all dairy products to the best of my abilities. In that time, I have made a few missteps- one of my student's had a birthday, and I chose to partake in her cake, which obviously had a fluffy dairy like filling, and there have been a few occasions that I have consumed butter- oh and one day I was faced with flan, and well, you can imagine how that ended (picture me, stuffing face, flan gone).
But mostly, I have really tried to avoid dairy...and mostly it hasn't been THAT difficult. I haven't gone out to eat much in that time, which has certainly probably helped.
The few times that I have fallen a bit off my nondairy wagon, I have been reminded gently by my guts why this is not a good idea.
Well, tonight, I got a very, very clear, not so gentle, "stop freaking eating dairy!!!!" message.
I was eating quiche before I even thought about the fact that in addition to loads of eggs (which I would have been fine with, hence my decision to eat it!) quiche is also made with heavy cream! I tend to eat pretty fast, so I was half way through this quiche before I even thought to myself, "Self, this probably has dairy in it". I was done with it (I'm telling you though, this was like 6 minutes after the first bite) when my the first gut cramp hit. It was about another 3 until I blew right up like a balloon. And it was about 5 more until I was repeatedly racing to the loo. I'll spare you the details but will say, it was painful (the cramps are the worst!), it was unpleasant, and even though the quiche was very, very good, it was NOT worth what it cost me.
I've had a couple of people sort of poke a bit of fun at me over the fact that I have given up dairy (well, this is practically unimaginable in Latvia- you should SEE the amounts of dairy products in the stores, and in people's shopping...unreal!) for Lent. I've tried to not let it bother me, because I know that people who do not understand what I go through when I eat dairy would think it was silly.
But this is about my quality of life now. Stomach cramps, bloated guts and mad racing to the loo do not a good life make. This is not about saving the cows (though it is a little) and it's not about saving the environment (though of course it is), and it's not even about my health because I found out on the internet tonight that lactose intolerance is not a harmful to your health condition (although of course it is also about my health)- this is about quality of life, about enjoying what there is to enjoy, and not missing the things that happen because I'm doubled over from cramps, or sitting in the dunny (as it's referred to around here).
Can I tell you how excited I am to go to the States in just 12 days (!) and enjoy soy ice cream, soy sour cream and soy cream cheese!!! Oh I cannot wait! :)
If you ever see me trying to talk myself into being able to handle any substantial amount of dairy again, please direct me back to this post. Here's to not making any more of these painful mistakes!
(And here's to some happy cows! :) )
Thursday, February 28, 2008
A Promise
Happy Leap Year! (Is that celebrated?)
Well, I think it's officially a day I will never forget. :)
As I blogged about before, the 29th day of February that comes only once every 4 years is by Scottish law the only day that a woman may propose to a man. As I had also said before, through a few slightly muddy conversations I understood that Joel would not be that keen on me actually exercising this right.
If you know me though, you know I couldn't let this day go by without notice. :)
This morning I made a promise. In the fashion of American teenagers I presented Joel with a really nice, albeit not that expensive, ring that promised my devotion to him. I actually promised that, if life is like a game of Jeopardy (you know, the game show), then the answer is yes. He now has to come up with the right question! :)
Joel accepted my promise and the ring.
A promise. :) (I'm now totally cheesed out this morning.)
P.S. Yes, that is really the ring!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
We're in the news!
On Tuesday after school Joel and I were interviewed by Diena newspaper reporter Ieva Alberta about living as a "mixed"- that is vegetarian and omni couple.
The article can be found here.
For those of you that don't read Latvian- basically the few things it says from me are:
Very unfortunately, the picture attached to the article is dumb! OK- Joel looks really nice actually, but I just look (I apologize for using the term, but) retarded.
So there you go! :)
The article can be found here.
For those of you that don't read Latvian- basically the few things it says from me are:
- We met a year and a half ago at school- when we started going out to lunch together,I "noticed" that Joel was ordering/eating meat. (This is not altogether true, I mean, ok, I noticed, but truth be told, I generally assume people are meat-eaters unless I know otherwise.)
- Thankfully she says that I have a healthy attitude towards the whole situation- recognizing that being vegetarian is not the norm, and that I should not expect people to conform to me.
- Then there is the little funny story about how the first time I cooked for Joel I made Vietnamese spring rolls (fresh veg, pineapple and noodles rolled in rice paper) and that Joel gagged on them. Now I cook him meat.
- And lastly, my quote about how I like to cook for two people, not just myself. So it's worth it to me to cook meat for Joel. Unfortunately for him, I don't taste test what I cook for him, so sometimes it comes out too spicy, salty or something for him. Oh well!
Very unfortunately, the picture attached to the article is dumb! OK- Joel looks really nice actually, but I just look (I apologize for using the term, but) retarded.
So there you go! :)
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Good people part II
I just got an email from the third mom of a former student that I had sent my mass email to.
Good people.
I was only in my second year teaching when I had little P in my class, and he's in grade 3 now! It's great to get updates on how my former students are doing...how they enjoy school, if they still do this or that, and of course, it's always nice to hear that they remember you. Well, I'll take the liberty of posting an excerpt from the email P's mom sent me. You'll see why I'm nearly in tears.
Good people.
I was only in my second year teaching when I had little P in my class, and he's in grade 3 now! It's great to get updates on how my former students are doing...how they enjoy school, if they still do this or that, and of course, it's always nice to hear that they remember you. Well, I'll take the liberty of posting an excerpt from the email P's mom sent me. You'll see why I'm nearly in tears.
Just so you know... you are still talked about a lot by P. And for me, you are still the person I use in all of my "how well is the school year going" comparisons... so, if you're ever wondering if you are in the right field, know that you've got one mom who thinks you've set the standards -- and set them pretty high :).
Wow huh?
My job has a lots of perks (summers off and that whole deal...), but just as well, it is a very taxing job. Little people have and need lots of energy, and they suck a lot of energy from adults it seems. Depending on the class or the individuals, days, weeks and whole school years can range anywhere from wonderful to horrible. In only five years of teaching, I feel that I have already run the gamut, and I know that I will cycle through all those spaces regularly throughout the rest of my teaching career.
There are a couple of things that can keep a teacher like me going when things get really low, as they have for me at points this year. Feedback like that from parents is among the top two. Children can't always express their own growth or acknowledge those that have helped them get there. Although seeing an individual child's growth and their own joy about it is the #1 thing that keeps me going as a teacher, getting that feedback from parents has got to be #2. I'm here to make a difference, and when I hear that I have done that in the life of even just one child, it make it all worth it.
If I can, I would encourage all parents out there to let their child's teachers know when they've made a difference. If other teachers are anything like me, they'll appreciate it more than you can imagine.
Good people man, the world is full of em!
Thank you for your email SS! :)
My job has a lots of perks (summers off and that whole deal...), but just as well, it is a very taxing job. Little people have and need lots of energy, and they suck a lot of energy from adults it seems. Depending on the class or the individuals, days, weeks and whole school years can range anywhere from wonderful to horrible. In only five years of teaching, I feel that I have already run the gamut, and I know that I will cycle through all those spaces regularly throughout the rest of my teaching career.
There are a couple of things that can keep a teacher like me going when things get really low, as they have for me at points this year. Feedback like that from parents is among the top two. Children can't always express their own growth or acknowledge those that have helped them get there. Although seeing an individual child's growth and their own joy about it is the #1 thing that keeps me going as a teacher, getting that feedback from parents has got to be #2. I'm here to make a difference, and when I hear that I have done that in the life of even just one child, it make it all worth it.
If I can, I would encourage all parents out there to let their child's teachers know when they've made a difference. If other teachers are anything like me, they'll appreciate it more than you can imagine.
Good people man, the world is full of em!
Thank you for your email SS! :)
Monday, February 25, 2008
Good people
You know teaching internationally comes with its fair share of ups and downs, pros and cons. One of the pros that I have been highly aware of lately is the opportunity to meet good people and get to know good people. Of course, I'm not saying that you wouldn't meet good people if you stayed in one place your whole life, but I would say that you meet a wider range of people teaching internationally.
Last week when I sent out the email letting friends and family know that Joel and I had made our decision about Angola, I included a couple of moms of students I had in China on the list. I did this because these were women that in the years I knew them were friendly and warm, understanding and supportive, interesting and interested.
It was great to hear back from two of them. They were so happy to hear from me, and happy to share about where their families are now (neither in Shanghai anymore). I think it is really amazing to meet people who come from all over in one place, and then keep in touch as I and they move around the world even more. I just think it's cool!
In Latvia I have also met a lot of good people. Of course, what is kind of funny here is that with a lot of the good people, you already have connections, but you don't know about it. My first year teaching in Riga, I had a little boy in my class who I'll call R. I knew that R's parents came from Venezuela, but that was it. Well, in the space of the year, it came to pass that R's godfather came to visit, not from Venezuela, but from Indianapolis, where he lives. (For those of you who don't know, I was born and lived until the age of 6 in Indianapolis.) So turns out that R's godfather is a known and important figure amongst Indianapolis Latvians, and someone I have also known since I was little!
Not that I had a bad rapport with R's parents before this (THEY are good people!), but after finding this out, I certainly felt more connected to them, and I think the same could be said for them.
What is great is that now, every time R's godfather comes to visit, he visits the school and says hi, and then we usually end up meeting later on for dinner or drinks or something.
Tonight was one such night. DS (who also knows this man) and I met R's parents and godfather for a few drinks. It was such a lovely night! For me the idea of plans on a school night is sometimes overwhelming, because, let's face it, I need my chill time and my sleep. I knew that this was the only chance to meet up with all these guys, so I agreed to go tonight, but lets say I wasn't over the top enthused about it. We ended up sitting for hours talking and laughing and just having a GREAT time. I tend to get a little sentimental, but there was a moment during the night when I just sat back, and thought to myself, "What an odd group of us, but look at what a great time it is! How lucky I am to have these people in my life."
R's parents are certainly not the only good people I have met in Latvia. There are plenty of other families at my school that I class amongst the "good" and whose email addresses I hope to add to my long list of people to stay in touch with. Then of course there are friends (new and old), and of course, Joel and his family.
(Speaking of small worlds and good people being connected...I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I even have a connection to Joel's sister in law, an Australian Latvian, through her godmother, a long time friend of my mother's who lives in Kalamazoo! Good people are connected. And if they're not, then it's worth getting and staying that way. :) )
So, I am thankful for the good people I have met. For the ones I met in China- especially all my good friends from there, who now stay connected from Seattle, Madison, Hong Kong and well, some still from Shanghai. And for the others that I have met here, whose everyday interactions keep me aware of so much good in the world. I look forward to keeping in touch with all of the good people in Riga, from Angola to here or where ever they go. I also look forward to all the good people still in my future...so far, this international teaching thing has brought me lots of good people, and I'm thinking, there is more to come.
Last week when I sent out the email letting friends and family know that Joel and I had made our decision about Angola, I included a couple of moms of students I had in China on the list. I did this because these were women that in the years I knew them were friendly and warm, understanding and supportive, interesting and interested.
It was great to hear back from two of them. They were so happy to hear from me, and happy to share about where their families are now (neither in Shanghai anymore). I think it is really amazing to meet people who come from all over in one place, and then keep in touch as I and they move around the world even more. I just think it's cool!
In Latvia I have also met a lot of good people. Of course, what is kind of funny here is that with a lot of the good people, you already have connections, but you don't know about it. My first year teaching in Riga, I had a little boy in my class who I'll call R. I knew that R's parents came from Venezuela, but that was it. Well, in the space of the year, it came to pass that R's godfather came to visit, not from Venezuela, but from Indianapolis, where he lives. (For those of you who don't know, I was born and lived until the age of 6 in Indianapolis.) So turns out that R's godfather is a known and important figure amongst Indianapolis Latvians, and someone I have also known since I was little!
Not that I had a bad rapport with R's parents before this (THEY are good people!), but after finding this out, I certainly felt more connected to them, and I think the same could be said for them.
What is great is that now, every time R's godfather comes to visit, he visits the school and says hi, and then we usually end up meeting later on for dinner or drinks or something.
Tonight was one such night. DS (who also knows this man) and I met R's parents and godfather for a few drinks. It was such a lovely night! For me the idea of plans on a school night is sometimes overwhelming, because, let's face it, I need my chill time and my sleep. I knew that this was the only chance to meet up with all these guys, so I agreed to go tonight, but lets say I wasn't over the top enthused about it. We ended up sitting for hours talking and laughing and just having a GREAT time. I tend to get a little sentimental, but there was a moment during the night when I just sat back, and thought to myself, "What an odd group of us, but look at what a great time it is! How lucky I am to have these people in my life."
R's parents are certainly not the only good people I have met in Latvia. There are plenty of other families at my school that I class amongst the "good" and whose email addresses I hope to add to my long list of people to stay in touch with. Then of course there are friends (new and old), and of course, Joel and his family.
(Speaking of small worlds and good people being connected...I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I even have a connection to Joel's sister in law, an Australian Latvian, through her godmother, a long time friend of my mother's who lives in Kalamazoo! Good people are connected. And if they're not, then it's worth getting and staying that way. :) )
So, I am thankful for the good people I have met. For the ones I met in China- especially all my good friends from there, who now stay connected from Seattle, Madison, Hong Kong and well, some still from Shanghai. And for the others that I have met here, whose everyday interactions keep me aware of so much good in the world. I look forward to keeping in touch with all of the good people in Riga, from Angola to here or where ever they go. I also look forward to all the good people still in my future...so far, this international teaching thing has brought me lots of good people, and I'm thinking, there is more to come.
I've been tagged
I got tagged by my cousin Liene to do this book thing. The rules are the following:
1. Pick up the nearest book of at least 123 pages.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the 5th sentence.
4. Post the next 3 sentences.
5. Tag 5 more people.
So, the book is The Heart of Learning, there are lots of contributors, but it is edited by Steven Glazer.
The 6th, 7th and 8th sentences are: Hi. I'm Caria. I come from a childhood where I had a great deal of love and affection.
There you go! It is actually a somewhat interesting passage (about a teacher with this background who works in inner-city schools, looking for guidance on how to relate to her students) that the sentences come from, but I realize you can't tell that at all from those few sentences.
If I have to tag forward, I will. So, for bloggers I know...Gina, Mook, Gita, Cilly and Susan.
I'm thinking this is not the most interesting game of tag I've ever played...but it at least gives some random insight to what people are reading! :)
1. Pick up the nearest book of at least 123 pages.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the 5th sentence.
4. Post the next 3 sentences.
5. Tag 5 more people.
So, the book is The Heart of Learning, there are lots of contributors, but it is edited by Steven Glazer.
The 6th, 7th and 8th sentences are: Hi. I'm Caria. I come from a childhood where I had a great deal of love and affection.
There you go! It is actually a somewhat interesting passage (about a teacher with this background who works in inner-city schools, looking for guidance on how to relate to her students) that the sentences come from, but I realize you can't tell that at all from those few sentences.
If I have to tag forward, I will. So, for bloggers I know...Gina, Mook, Gita, Cilly and Susan.
I'm thinking this is not the most interesting game of tag I've ever played...but it at least gives some random insight to what people are reading! :)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sunrises and Sunsets (no, not Fiddler)
Not so long ago I didn't notice sunrises, because they happened at some point in my day when I was already very busy with children doing something or other. When work starts at 8, and the sun doesn't rise until between 9 and 10, this is the way it goes.
Since coming back to school after ski break though, I have suddenly noticed sunrises, because they are happening sometime while I'm still at home getting ready for my day (which makes MUCH more sense doesn't it?).
Maybe the noticeable sunrises (and general abundance of light) are the reason for my improved mood of late, but I think it might also be something else.
I think I might be feeling so much more cheery in general because I no longer feel stuck. Even though we are, as of now, still undecided about where we will be come August, I am nonetheless excited that we'll be somewhere (else).
Feeling stuck is unpleasant, as it's a feeling of powerlessness. There were so many factors involved in this particular stuck, including, but not limited to:
-Feeling guilty or not good enough for not only not loving, but not being able to happily handle or choose life in Riga. What does this mean to my status as "Latvian"? Does it change? Does it revert to what it was before I lived in Latvia? Certainly, legally, if I don't return within however many years, I do stand losing my repatriate status. Does not feeling at home in Latvia make me less Latvian? I know that these are questions that other not-born-in-Latvia Latvians have asked themselves, and some have found answers. I'm not sure that I have.
-Not wanting to be the thing that took Joel away from Latvia. I love this man, I do. And I think he and I are pretty darn good together. He's got some strong ties here in Latvia, in an odd way, I would say that his ties to this place are almost stronger than mine. He has more invested here, and he is closer to the family he has here. I did not want to be *that* girl, the one that he did something for, that he would not have otherwise done...the one that he did something he didn't really want to do for.
-Not wanting to be the woman who conceded herself and her needs for a man. This obviously ties into the previous point. I cannot help the fact that I was born and raised in the time of strong, independent, fight the man women; in a time when it is practically sac religious to even compromise what's for dinner, never mind what you're going to do with your life. In some ways though, I find myself fighting myself on this...because, although I am not keen on giving up everything I want in life, at the same time, I do very much feel like, as long as I have certain things, I'm willing to leave lots of other choices up to someone else. According to the strong independent woman code, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be making each and every decision for and by myself (and probably I shouldn't even be having a relationship...). I don't know. I guess in a time when the strong, independent woman code still shares life space with size 0 supermodels, I am a bit confused about all of it.
-I have so much stuff! Three years is enough time to accumulate quite a bit. Just having this much stuff made me not want to have to deal with leaving. But, some stuff I am already looking at knowing that I will be quite willing to part with it. Other stuff I am wondering how I will get to where I am going...and what I will do with it when I get there. Some of it is not appropriate for the climates we're headed to....other stuff is just sentimental, and not stuff I need in my daily life, but not something I want to get rid of anyway. Also, it's not like I can have a garage/yard sale here...so how am I going to get rid of some of this stuff???
I think it's understandable how these and other forces combined to make me feel stuck...like I would be f-ed if I stayed, f-ed if I left.
Thankfully, the feeling of stuck is gone. I guess that makes sense...but the extent to which I feel freedom to be, to be with Joel, to choose, to be proactive is amazing. It's been a while since I felt this way.
Even better than the sunrises, the sunsets are also a part of my awareness these days, as they are happening sometime after I leave work, instead of while I'm still there, still busy with the previously mentioned children. Maybe it's the sunsets that have really upped my general mood.
I'm guessing though that it's not the sunrises or the sunsets (although I do acknowledge that they are only helping!) that are making me feel happier, saner and more alive than I have in a long time... it's the prospect of new beginnings, of new adventures, of being able to do it all with someone I care deeply about...it's losing stuck.
Since coming back to school after ski break though, I have suddenly noticed sunrises, because they are happening sometime while I'm still at home getting ready for my day (which makes MUCH more sense doesn't it?).
Maybe the noticeable sunrises (and general abundance of light) are the reason for my improved mood of late, but I think it might also be something else.
I think I might be feeling so much more cheery in general because I no longer feel stuck. Even though we are, as of now, still undecided about where we will be come August, I am nonetheless excited that we'll be somewhere (else).
Feeling stuck is unpleasant, as it's a feeling of powerlessness. There were so many factors involved in this particular stuck, including, but not limited to:
-Feeling guilty or not good enough for not only not loving, but not being able to happily handle or choose life in Riga. What does this mean to my status as "Latvian"? Does it change? Does it revert to what it was before I lived in Latvia? Certainly, legally, if I don't return within however many years, I do stand losing my repatriate status. Does not feeling at home in Latvia make me less Latvian? I know that these are questions that other not-born-in-Latvia Latvians have asked themselves, and some have found answers. I'm not sure that I have.
-Not wanting to be the thing that took Joel away from Latvia. I love this man, I do. And I think he and I are pretty darn good together. He's got some strong ties here in Latvia, in an odd way, I would say that his ties to this place are almost stronger than mine. He has more invested here, and he is closer to the family he has here. I did not want to be *that* girl, the one that he did something for, that he would not have otherwise done...the one that he did something he didn't really want to do for.
-Not wanting to be the woman who conceded herself and her needs for a man. This obviously ties into the previous point. I cannot help the fact that I was born and raised in the time of strong, independent, fight the man women; in a time when it is practically sac religious to even compromise what's for dinner, never mind what you're going to do with your life. In some ways though, I find myself fighting myself on this...because, although I am not keen on giving up everything I want in life, at the same time, I do very much feel like, as long as I have certain things, I'm willing to leave lots of other choices up to someone else. According to the strong independent woman code, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be making each and every decision for and by myself (and probably I shouldn't even be having a relationship...). I don't know. I guess in a time when the strong, independent woman code still shares life space with size 0 supermodels, I am a bit confused about all of it.
-I have so much stuff! Three years is enough time to accumulate quite a bit. Just having this much stuff made me not want to have to deal with leaving. But, some stuff I am already looking at knowing that I will be quite willing to part with it. Other stuff I am wondering how I will get to where I am going...and what I will do with it when I get there. Some of it is not appropriate for the climates we're headed to....other stuff is just sentimental, and not stuff I need in my daily life, but not something I want to get rid of anyway. Also, it's not like I can have a garage/yard sale here...so how am I going to get rid of some of this stuff???
I think it's understandable how these and other forces combined to make me feel stuck...like I would be f-ed if I stayed, f-ed if I left.
Thankfully, the feeling of stuck is gone. I guess that makes sense...but the extent to which I feel freedom to be, to be with Joel, to choose, to be proactive is amazing. It's been a while since I felt this way.
Even better than the sunrises, the sunsets are also a part of my awareness these days, as they are happening sometime after I leave work, instead of while I'm still there, still busy with the previously mentioned children. Maybe it's the sunsets that have really upped my general mood.
I'm guessing though that it's not the sunrises or the sunsets (although I do acknowledge that they are only helping!) that are making me feel happier, saner and more alive than I have in a long time... it's the prospect of new beginnings, of new adventures, of being able to do it all with someone I care deeply about...it's losing stuck.
Monday, February 18, 2008
We are back
from the job fair.
We have two choices.
A school in Singapore
-or-
a school in Angola, Africa
We're leaning Angola.
Money would be amazing...as would the experience.
Let you know soon.
We have two choices.
A school in Singapore
-or-
a school in Angola, Africa
We're leaning Angola.
Money would be amazing...as would the experience.
Let you know soon.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Blissed out
It doesn't take much more than a window sill above the radiator to become completely blissed out. :) That is, if you are my cat. Earlier tonight I was hit with an attack of the sneezes...and Bumbi was already in the window like this. With each sneeze he would make a little meow and maybe open one eye and look at me. Clearly, I was disturbing his bliss...but not too much since he was asleep again in moments.
It will be very difficult to leave this little (ok big) guy behind when we leave. Based on stories that others have told about sending cats overseas, the quarantine period etc, I don't think it's the best idea to try to take him with me...so I'm already looking for someone who might be willing to provide this big lug of a cat with a warm and stable home. If you're interested, let me know. :)
It will be very difficult to leave this little (ok big) guy behind when we leave. Based on stories that others have told about sending cats overseas, the quarantine period etc, I don't think it's the best idea to try to take him with me...so I'm already looking for someone who might be willing to provide this big lug of a cat with a warm and stable home. If you're interested, let me know. :)
Monday, February 11, 2008
Done...but what's the point?
So, here they are...I finished both our hats.
(Joel was too busy playing his racing game to pose for a real picture...)
(Joel was too busy playing his racing game to pose for a real picture...)
The question is of course, what is the point, since it's not cold here, and it just keeps raining. I guess we can bring them to Michigan with us in just over a month...my parents just had a blizzard yesterday. Mine turned out quite perfectly if I don't say so myself, but Joel's is a little big, as you can see it bunches a little at the back. But I'm sure this will just mean more warmth.Here are my new projects:
This mess is going to be a bag. The pattern (as the pattern for the hats!) came from the knitting calendar that Joel's brother and sister-in-law gave me for Christmas. This is really just in the beginning stages...but I'm sure it will be awesome. :) Gotta love the color! :)
This scarf is made from the wool that Joel's mum sent me and the pattern (it has little knots along the edges) is from the book she sent me (thanks Maria!). For a long time I could not decide what to do with it. I finally decided to use very large needles to make a loosely knit fairly skinny scarf...as much fashion statement as function. :) I have an idea of who I would like to give it to as a present, because I think the wool is exactly HER colors. Maybe, if she guesses who I think she is, then I will give it to her! :) Maybe I will give it to her anyway! :)
So, there you go... busy, busy knitting lady I am. It's just so much fun though! It's really a shame I can't take my needles on the plane...rest assured they'll be in my luggage though...no better way to unwind in the hostel at night after a long day at the job fair... :)
We leave on Wednesday...wish us luck! :)
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Lent Alternative
So on one of the message boards that I frequent is called the "Virtual Veggies". This is a group of people who eat so much like vegetarians that omnivores think they are vegetarian but vegetarians think they are omni. I went to that group for specific support, and found wonderful people that helped me in a lot of ways to get to where I am with my vegetarianism coexisting nicely with Joel's omnivorousness (no I don't think that is a word, I made it up!). So I love these ladies. The fun thing about the group is that even though we were brought together by food/lifestyle choices, so much else gets discussed. They are a VERY open-minded and wise group of women. So I love chatting with them on a daily basis.
Today is the first day of our LentAL, or Lent Alternative. Some of the chicas on the board are Christian, and celebrate (observe?) proper Lent. A lot of us aren't though.
But, a lot of us like the idea of taking a period of time to really commit to furthering ourselves in some way. Here is the explanation that begins our board:
"During the 40-day period of Christian Lent, the Virtual Veggies are observing our own Lent Alternative (LentAl). During this time, we will engage in reflection, acceptance, and positive action. Many of us will phrase our endeavors in positive language to keep our focus on constructive progress rather than sacrifice; others embrace sacrifice as part of the seasonal reflection and/or the growth experience. We will report our triumphs and challenges among our friends for celebration and encouragement. Everyone is welcome to participate."
So, this year for LentAl, I am focusing on positive action regarding my health. I have started an exercise regime recently with some dance workout videos. I get up at 6am or earlier depending on the day to do them. Mostly they are fun though, so as long as I actually drag myself out of bed, then I am good. So, I am committing to doing my dance dvds at least 4 times a week.
The other commitment is, I feel, a bigger one. I am giving up dairy (includes any cow milk product, but allows for goat's milk products). I know I gave up dairy once before, and I only felt better for it. When I did that, it lasted for a week or two, but eventually I went back to the yogurts, sour cream, ice cream and so on.
Life in Riga has gotten a little easier for those that need to avoid the dairy...I can now get tasty soy milk and yogurts easily, and we can get an butter-like olive oil spread that as far as I can tell from my research has no dairy. No sour cream substitute yet, but a girl can dream. That will probably be the hardest thing to deal with here. Cheese I can pretty much avoid on my own...it's not the easiest, but I know how to cook a whole lotta food that is delish that doesn't use cheese.
So this time I am looking at 40 days (that's nearly 6 weeks!) of no dairy. This means that while I am in London and in the US I will not consume dairy. That means no Ben and Jerry's and even more scary, limited choices at Taco Bell. Yikes. Do I realize what I am committing myself to?
Yes, I am committed to health. I am committed to feeling good. I am committed to my pants fitting. :) Yummy taste is such a hard thing to give up, but I tell you what, when I consider the consequences of enjoying the taste of these things, it just REALLY isn't worth it.
So, there you go. That's my LentAl.
Wish me luck.
***And the next morning...***
I just actually looked at my calendar this morning and realized that LentAl will finish just in time for my trip to the States. Hmmm....what does this mean?!? Maybe by that time I will be so used to no dairy, that I will not want to eat any anyway? Maybe I will not eat ice cream (because lord almighty, it is really so not worth the pain), but maybe I will allow myself the wonderful nastiness that is Taco Bell. Well, we'll see. It'll be a choice to make then. In any case, it's nice to know that I might have the opportunity to indulge but still stay within my commitment. I worked out this morning....that 3/4 days done. :)
Today is the first day of our LentAL, or Lent Alternative. Some of the chicas on the board are Christian, and celebrate (observe?) proper Lent. A lot of us aren't though.
But, a lot of us like the idea of taking a period of time to really commit to furthering ourselves in some way. Here is the explanation that begins our board:
"During the 40-day period of Christian Lent, the Virtual Veggies are observing our own Lent Alternative (LentAl). During this time, we will engage in reflection, acceptance, and positive action. Many of us will phrase our endeavors in positive language to keep our focus on constructive progress rather than sacrifice; others embrace sacrifice as part of the seasonal reflection and/or the growth experience. We will report our triumphs and challenges among our friends for celebration and encouragement. Everyone is welcome to participate."
So, this year for LentAl, I am focusing on positive action regarding my health. I have started an exercise regime recently with some dance workout videos. I get up at 6am or earlier depending on the day to do them. Mostly they are fun though, so as long as I actually drag myself out of bed, then I am good. So, I am committing to doing my dance dvds at least 4 times a week.
The other commitment is, I feel, a bigger one. I am giving up dairy (includes any cow milk product, but allows for goat's milk products). I know I gave up dairy once before, and I only felt better for it. When I did that, it lasted for a week or two, but eventually I went back to the yogurts, sour cream, ice cream and so on.
Life in Riga has gotten a little easier for those that need to avoid the dairy...I can now get tasty soy milk and yogurts easily, and we can get an butter-like olive oil spread that as far as I can tell from my research has no dairy. No sour cream substitute yet, but a girl can dream. That will probably be the hardest thing to deal with here. Cheese I can pretty much avoid on my own...it's not the easiest, but I know how to cook a whole lotta food that is delish that doesn't use cheese.
So this time I am looking at 40 days (that's nearly 6 weeks!) of no dairy. This means that while I am in London and in the US I will not consume dairy. That means no Ben and Jerry's and even more scary, limited choices at Taco Bell. Yikes. Do I realize what I am committing myself to?
Yes, I am committed to health. I am committed to feeling good. I am committed to my pants fitting. :) Yummy taste is such a hard thing to give up, but I tell you what, when I consider the consequences of enjoying the taste of these things, it just REALLY isn't worth it.
So, there you go. That's my LentAl.
Wish me luck.
***And the next morning...***
I just actually looked at my calendar this morning and realized that LentAl will finish just in time for my trip to the States. Hmmm....what does this mean?!? Maybe by that time I will be so used to no dairy, that I will not want to eat any anyway? Maybe I will not eat ice cream (because lord almighty, it is really so not worth the pain), but maybe I will allow myself the wonderful nastiness that is Taco Bell. Well, we'll see. It'll be a choice to make then. In any case, it's nice to know that I might have the opportunity to indulge but still stay within my commitment. I worked out this morning....that 3/4 days done. :)
Monday, February 04, 2008
I've been working hard...
So here is another finished product. Another scarf for Joel...just in time for there being no winter in Latvia (not that I'm complaining, I told him I'd make him wear it anyway!) and for us to be considering moving to warmer climates. :) Oh well. It was a labor of love and learning. It's amazing how quickly doing the knit, knit, purl, purl became second nature to me (especially since I was so freaked out by learning the new stitch). Although I did find out from my "teacher" that I was doing a backwards purl, because I was twisting the yarn the wrong way round the needle. But, this is ok, as it still left me with a very nice product, and apparently it's a real stitch sometimes called for specifically. So, there you go. Anyway, here is the scarf:
Now, the next piece of work...the whole reason behind the last scarf is the now started hat. I did the scarf to learn the purl, so that I could employ said purl in this here hat. For the record, this hat was started, unraveled and restarted at least 10 times. Following knitting directions when you're not that used to it, is not that easy. And then, all of a sudden (especially when you've done it a million times) it becomes so easy that you can't imagine why you didn't do it right the first 10 times. So here are the beginnings of a hat for Joel, that will match both his new scarf and his old scarf. :) Let's hope it actually works out to looking like a hat in the end. :)
I'm having a lot of fun with this knitting thing, so keep in mind people, if I do end up moving someplace warm, I'm going to be looking for people to make presents for. :)
***Updated later the same night***
OK, hats are quick. :) This puppy is pretty much finished! I'm not sure if I will try to actually do the finishing on my own, or wait until Thursday, when I can do it under the watchful eye of my young, hip, awesome teacher. (Did I ever mention that she actually is a young woman 5 years my junior, who simply learned to knit because she went to school in Latvia? Well, it's true. You should have seen the gorgeous socks that she made her boyfriend for Christmas...anyway... I digress...) So, here is what I did in one night:
You gotta admit, it looks like a hat, eh? :)
Now, the next piece of work...the whole reason behind the last scarf is the now started hat. I did the scarf to learn the purl, so that I could employ said purl in this here hat. For the record, this hat was started, unraveled and restarted at least 10 times. Following knitting directions when you're not that used to it, is not that easy. And then, all of a sudden (especially when you've done it a million times) it becomes so easy that you can't imagine why you didn't do it right the first 10 times. So here are the beginnings of a hat for Joel, that will match both his new scarf and his old scarf. :) Let's hope it actually works out to looking like a hat in the end. :)
I'm having a lot of fun with this knitting thing, so keep in mind people, if I do end up moving someplace warm, I'm going to be looking for people to make presents for. :)
***Updated later the same night***
OK, hats are quick. :) This puppy is pretty much finished! I'm not sure if I will try to actually do the finishing on my own, or wait until Thursday, when I can do it under the watchful eye of my young, hip, awesome teacher. (Did I ever mention that she actually is a young woman 5 years my junior, who simply learned to knit because she went to school in Latvia? Well, it's true. You should have seen the gorgeous socks that she made her boyfriend for Christmas...anyway... I digress...) So, here is what I did in one night:
You gotta admit, it looks like a hat, eh? :)
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Gratitude
It is very easy to get comfortable in life. It is very easy to start taking for granted the things we have, and can get. It is very easy to get used to quick and quality service. Of course, this is all only easy if you were born in/live in a small part of the world and in certain financial conditions.
I went shopping today. I needed a suit to wear to the job fair in London in just over a week. I walked from shop to shop to shop not finding a suit jacket that would fit over my ample belly or my broad shoulders. I finally found one that did fit, and was happy to drop the 30Ls on it. Oh, and I was pissed that I had to search through the store for the matching pants (because they were there, but they were not on display with the jacket), but I dropped the 25Ls on them too.
It was a very frustrating and long day. Searching for clothes that fit, having to try on so many different pieces, not finding what I was looking for.
But you know, at the same time...
-THANK GOD I have so much food to eat that not only do I not go hungry, but I actually have the opportunity to get fat!
-THANK GODDESS that I get to have a choice in what I will do with my life both personally and professionally, and that I will never have to endure an arranged marriage, female genital mutilation or a job dictated by a class system!
-Thank God that I can afford to go shopping for new clothes when I have piles of clothes in my closet that are not nearly worn out, but simply don't fit (again, because I was lucky enough to get fat).
-Thank goddess that when I get sick, I can make my way to a doctor sooner or later, that I can go into a pharmacy and buy some OTC meds if I don't feel like going to a doctor, that I can call in sick to a job that I know will take me back when I am well, and for that matter, still pay me while I am sick!
-Thank goodness that I have friends to go to, to talk to, to share with, and that I can choose these friends of my own free will, not worrying about race, religion or any other factor.
-Thank goodness that I was lucky enough to find an amazing man to be with, to fight with, to make up with.
-Thank goodness that I have a home, a roof over my head, that I have so much STUFF that I will have to pay loads to have it shipped to a new location if I want to keep it...or I might have to suffer some detachment as I part with things that are just not important enough to bring along.
-Thank goodness that I get to cook with my new cast iron skillet, or my new ramekins or my old wok or my new baking dish, instead of having to cook over an open fire with one pot to feed my whole family.
This list could go on indefinitely. There is so much in my life to be thankful for. There is so much that I am able and capable of doing...and there is so much that I honestly will never have to worry about. Some of the things on this list are my doing... I chose to get good grades, get a scholarship, go to college, get a degree, take off overseas to work at a job that paid loads. That was my doing. But it was pure, unadulterated luck that I was born in America to a family that was wealthy if not in money, then wealthy in love and connections to a community that did everything to support us.
My life could have been so different had I been born on the African plains, or the Mongolian steppes, or, heck, even the Latvian countryside!
So what I have to say is this. Thank you. I have gratitude for my life. I am SO GLAD that my life is as hard as it is.
Like I said before though, it is easy to get comfortable, to take things for granted and to get frustrated by how difficult life can be sometimes.
God knows that I will fall into that trap again...that I will complain and suffer over my impossible, unlivable life, about the unfairness and the injustice that it is to be me...
But I hope, that maybe the next time I get that way, I will center myself a bit, look around, and see the wonderful, wonderful people, events and things that I am surrounded by...and that maybe I will be able to take a step back, and say, "thank you also for this" instead of spewing my venom into the world. Because honestly, the world has way more than enough venom. A little gratitude could go a long way.
I went shopping today. I needed a suit to wear to the job fair in London in just over a week. I walked from shop to shop to shop not finding a suit jacket that would fit over my ample belly or my broad shoulders. I finally found one that did fit, and was happy to drop the 30Ls on it. Oh, and I was pissed that I had to search through the store for the matching pants (because they were there, but they were not on display with the jacket), but I dropped the 25Ls on them too.
It was a very frustrating and long day. Searching for clothes that fit, having to try on so many different pieces, not finding what I was looking for.
But you know, at the same time...
-THANK GOD I have so much food to eat that not only do I not go hungry, but I actually have the opportunity to get fat!
-THANK GODDESS that I get to have a choice in what I will do with my life both personally and professionally, and that I will never have to endure an arranged marriage, female genital mutilation or a job dictated by a class system!
-Thank God that I can afford to go shopping for new clothes when I have piles of clothes in my closet that are not nearly worn out, but simply don't fit (again, because I was lucky enough to get fat).
-Thank goddess that when I get sick, I can make my way to a doctor sooner or later, that I can go into a pharmacy and buy some OTC meds if I don't feel like going to a doctor, that I can call in sick to a job that I know will take me back when I am well, and for that matter, still pay me while I am sick!
-Thank goodness that I have friends to go to, to talk to, to share with, and that I can choose these friends of my own free will, not worrying about race, religion or any other factor.
-Thank goodness that I was lucky enough to find an amazing man to be with, to fight with, to make up with.
-Thank goodness that I have a home, a roof over my head, that I have so much STUFF that I will have to pay loads to have it shipped to a new location if I want to keep it...or I might have to suffer some detachment as I part with things that are just not important enough to bring along.
-Thank goodness that I get to cook with my new cast iron skillet, or my new ramekins or my old wok or my new baking dish, instead of having to cook over an open fire with one pot to feed my whole family.
This list could go on indefinitely. There is so much in my life to be thankful for. There is so much that I am able and capable of doing...and there is so much that I honestly will never have to worry about. Some of the things on this list are my doing... I chose to get good grades, get a scholarship, go to college, get a degree, take off overseas to work at a job that paid loads. That was my doing. But it was pure, unadulterated luck that I was born in America to a family that was wealthy if not in money, then wealthy in love and connections to a community that did everything to support us.
My life could have been so different had I been born on the African plains, or the Mongolian steppes, or, heck, even the Latvian countryside!
So what I have to say is this. Thank you. I have gratitude for my life. I am SO GLAD that my life is as hard as it is.
Like I said before though, it is easy to get comfortable, to take things for granted and to get frustrated by how difficult life can be sometimes.
God knows that I will fall into that trap again...that I will complain and suffer over my impossible, unlivable life, about the unfairness and the injustice that it is to be me...
But I hope, that maybe the next time I get that way, I will center myself a bit, look around, and see the wonderful, wonderful people, events and things that I am surrounded by...and that maybe I will be able to take a step back, and say, "thank you also for this" instead of spewing my venom into the world. Because honestly, the world has way more than enough venom. A little gratitude could go a long way.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Done!
I finished another knitting project. The biggest one for sure. It's a baby blanket for someone and his/her mother, who for all I know doesn't check this blog ever/often. She could prove me wrong by leaving a comment...but I'm guessing I'm right. :) Anyway, the baby is due the same weekend of the job fair...so hopefully we'll have great things happening in threes that weekend (me and Joel finding dream jobs, a beautiful healthy baby being born, and ??? (who knows!)).
Here it is!
P.S. I need LOTS of work on sewing in all the loose ends that happen when you change balls of yarn...this was the first project for which I did it on my own...my knitting teacher did it for my other ones. Maybe you can't see the places they are sewn in in this picture, but whooeeee...in person you sure can! But, I'm going to assume that it will make it that much more endearing to the recipient. :)
Here it is!
P.S. I need LOTS of work on sewing in all the loose ends that happen when you change balls of yarn...this was the first project for which I did it on my own...my knitting teacher did it for my other ones. Maybe you can't see the places they are sewn in in this picture, but whooeeee...in person you sure can! But, I'm going to assume that it will make it that much more endearing to the recipient. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)