A short story of deep sea fishing

Here goes:

We headed out to sea. Everyone started getting sick. The captain spent 15 minutes setting up all the fishing poles. Joel helped. Everyone got sick. The captain spent 15 minutes taking down all the fishing poles. Joel helped. We went to the beach.

The end.

:)

So, as you can see, not much came of our deep sea trip. We headed out this morning around 9 or so. We got picked up by the family who was hosting us- the mother of one of my students (we'll call her M1), and both of her daughters, and then went to pick up another mother of one of my students (M2) and her eldest daughter (the one in my class was sick). So, poor Joel it was him and 6 females. He's such a trooper.

We got to the boat, everyone got strapped into their life vests, it was good. This was my first time going out deep sea I suppose ever, although I know for sure I have been out on boats on big water before like in the middle of Lake Michigan, which is big enough that you can't see either shore from the middle. It was not Joel's. It was also M2's first time. M1 and her daughters had been out before, on this same boat.

I guess the water was very choppy today. The captain said it was because of the wet season. There was a pretty big swell. Heading out it was ok though, because when you're going fast, while there is some bouncing on the water, it's not that sick-inducing (although I guess it starts to build). When we stopped to hook up the fishing poles though, we were totally at the mercy of the swell, and we were all over the place- up and down and up and down and nearly sideways.

My student who was there turned green and then puked, right there on the boat. Luckily she had an empty stomach, so it was just a bit of yuck, and then mom went and held her over the edge to finish. M2 started turning green at this point too, and I have to admit, I wasn't feeling 100% myself.

M1 though, was pretty keen on catching some fish- she said the captain told her that recently everytime anyone went out fishing they were coming back with 10-15 dorado. So she really wanted to catch one or two, just to have some fish, and enough to give her help at home some (the maid, the driver, the gardener). Well, she made the mistake of saying, "But whenever we get bored, we just tell the captain, and he'll take us to the beach."

Once the fishing poles were set up, it took about 10 minutes if that, of slow movement through the water for M2 to finally just say, "Can we go to the beach NOW?" She was NOT feeling well- you could tell. Her daughter had also really quieted down. Both of the other girls had fallen asleep. Joel and M1 seemed to be the only ones that were totally ok- Joel was even drinking a beer. But, sick people are not fun people, so, they took down the poles they had just taken so long to put up, and we headed to the beach, sans fish.

We didn't even take any pictures during any of this, because it all happened so quickly.
But, here are some beach pictures. You may recall that soon after we arrived in Luanda, we took a trip to the beach on an island just off shore. We headed back to the same island today- although to a different spot.

This spot had bigger shelters, but there is no restaurant or toilet. That is mostly ok, because we had all packed food today, and had plenty to go round. Pretty nice shelters at that- look like they are made of palm trees- trunks for structure, and fronds for shade. Works for me!

Just behind where we were across a little bay of the island are these "weekend houses" for local rich people.

This is the view down the island from where we were. Nice, hey?

This is the boat that we actually rode today. It was pretty nice.

These are the kids.

Me on the boat- these pictures were all taken basically when we were packing up and leaving.

Us posing at the front of the boat. :)

So we ended up having quite a nice day that was quite different than what we had set out thinking we would get. The beach was beautiful and really serene. There was one other group of people on the beach, but they were a few huts down, and weren't loud, so, it was really peaceful out there. Both of the moms we were with are cool, good for conversation, etc, so it was nice to just sit around and chat. The water there at the beach was nice and warm and clear- there were hundreds and hundreds of little fish. And they were swimming so close to us- we could see them through the water- there were just MASSES of them. We also found a few hermit crabs, and saw some tiny, tiny shrimp. But that was unfortunately all the wildlife we saw today- no dolphins, no turtles and no whales. Apparently it's not even the right season right now, which I didn't know until today. Oh well.

My souvenir from today? This is what you get from sitting on a boat for hours without having put sunscreen on yet!

(Unfortunately, the tops of my arms look similar!)

Yay!

RSVPs are one thing- my mom has been sending me updates as to what is rolling in- understandably more "we'll be there in spirit"s than "we'll be there in person"s- but, on the booked guest list on our wedding page (destinationweddings.com) we can see how many people have actually booked a hotel room (one might call that a pretty firm rsvp!). The list is now up to 17 guests, plus us two. :) A couple of the people that have rsvp-ed yes (so far), have not yet booked their rooms though, so hopefully we'll still see that list grow! :)

On a not-so-yay note- I took the clocks off the blog because they were just pissing me off! It seems they were never showing the right time. After the last time change, the clocks were showing the same time for Michigan and Arizona, which are two time zones apart. WTF? Whatever... so I took em off. But of course, now I'm lost time wise. I don't know what time it is anywhere, and I miss that. Oh well.

Oh, but another yay note- yesterday was a pretty great day for more than one reason, but the main one being that I finally bit the bullet and paid off my student loan from my undergrad in one big payment! Wahoo!! Because I had the 4 year scholarship to university, my loan was a very small one comapred to what most people accumulate in 5 years at university, because it was only for my fifth year of school. But, it was a loan that was slowly taking money out of my account every month, while also earning interest, and now it's gone. Now, of course, I still have the twice as big one from grad school to worry about, but at least it's only one instead of two now. :)

Lastly, following the lead of my faithful reader Eileen, I added sitemeter to my blog. Sitemeter gives you all kinds of statistics about what is going on on your blog- who is looking at it, when, where they are located, etc. I can see by what means they got to my blog (by following a link, or by going directly to the homepage). It's interesting to follow it. And the cool thing is that you can also see your visitors on a world map. So last night, the first dots that showed up were in South America and Indonesia... I know who you are! :) Of course, I myself show up as being in Windhoek, Namibia, which is funny.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow being Thursday but acting like a Friday in that it's the last day of school for the week. If that isn't yay, I don't know what is! :) I've been enjoying work a bit more lately- maybe because we're nearing a 2 week holiday, maybe because it's just getting closer to the end of the school year, maybe I've accepted something and am moving on- either way, I'm having a better time when I'm there, but just the same, I'm happy about a day off. :) All because of the Pope, if I didn't mention that before. He's coming for a visit. Angola is largely Catholic for those of you that don't know- I wasn't aware when we were first coming here either. But it is- all Portuguese influence on that one. We might have a chance (although it's looking slim) to go out on a boat with the family of one of my students that day. We've heard that you can see dolphins, whales, turtles and more when you go out a bit further, so it would be very cool to do that. We'll see if it works out though.

I have totally had several blog posts floating around in my head in the last few days, and tonight I have lost them (for the life of me, I cannot remember what I wanted to write about), so I will try to write them down when they come back to me. But for now, that's all the good news out of Namibia, I mean, Angola. :)

Oh, and here's another picture from St. Patty's Day- we were dancing. This is my new desktop background, because how cute are we? :)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Last night we attended what was probably the best St. Patrick's Day party I have ever been too! It's hosted by an Irish couple that had been in Luanda for 20+ years (throughout the war and everything- not sure of all the reasons on this, but I guess they love it here). Anyway, they live on a compound of a house- actually, I guess there are two houses on the compound one which houses grandparents and one which houses the hostess and her family. The place is huge, with very big gardens, a pool, etc. It's nice. And it was all decked out for St. Paddy's Day- green lights everywhere, etc.

This party is actually a charity benefit, I believe proceeds go to one or more orphanages. So, it was fun, and it was for a good cause. The highlight of the night for many were the fish 'n chips that were served sometime past midnight, wrapped in newspaper and everything. I can attest that the chips were nice. :) The party drew in at least 200 people- which was amazing, because we knew SO FEW of them. Joel and I both noted that in Latvia we often had some connection to nearly all the English speaking expats in Riga- or we felt we did anyway- but here, my goodness, there were just hoards of people that we had never seen before, all in one place. A little weird, but nice. :)

Here's Joel looking extra cute if I don't say so myself. :) He felt silly in the hat, but I thought it actually suited him, like, if he wanted to wear it in black and be an artist type or something (obviously, not going to happen).

Mon and Don at the party. The hats and leis were handed out at the door.

Us. The glo-necklaces and bracelets were also handed out at the door. I was wearing some green glitter around my eyes, and had on very green nailpolish as well!

One of the funnest (uh, most fun?) parts of the night was the dancing. They had a DJ and a LOUD sound system, and a big ole dance floor. So, we boogied down for quite a part of the night. The best part for me, was that the hostess had obviously had a large say in the music played because it wasn't your typical Angolan club music- it was a lot of popular music from the 80's, 90's and so on. So, for the first time in Angola (er, the first time in a long time actually), I found music that I could really enjoy dancing to, and went for it!

Here's a horrible picture of everyone in it, but basically, you can see just how steamy it was outside, combined with how much we had all danced- everyone is WET, red-faced and nasty looking slicked back sweaty hair. Ah, good times! :)

That last picture was taken sometime around 2. We left soon after that. It really was great fun. And the best part is, because Joel and I spent a lot of time dancing that night (instead of drinking) we both feel pretty good today! :)

On another note, actual St. Patrick's Day (on the 17th, of course) is my mom's 60th birthday. I know she had a party last night too, and I hope they had as much fun as we did! :) Happy birthday Mom!

St. Paddy's Day is also my good friend Kat's birthday- so there's a shout out to you Kat! Happy birthday! :)

A few things that happened today...

This morning I went into the office to take care of something, and since I was there, of course, I checked my mail box/pigeon hole. I saw that there was an easily recognizable yellow and red Shoprite bag in there, with something inside. I wasn't expecting anything, so, was curious as to what it could be. Well, my very own to-borrow-and-pass-along copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting! Yeah, no, I'm NOT pregnant. But there it was none-the-less! It was a bit of a surprise. But then, with a little think and the help of a couple other teachers who walked into the office, we figured out it was the last expat teacher who had a baby, who has now passed it on. Although I am quite certain there is another couple actually trying right now (that is trying to conceive), the she of that couple passed on the book. So, whatever. We all know I like books, and I'm happy to have this one.

That said, I have had one friend tell me already, "Don't read ANY pregnancy books, you'll just get yourself scared that every little thing means you're losing the baby." I had another friend tell me that she read stuff, but chose it carefully, and was happy with that decision. Because I am one of these granola, crunchy, vegetarian, hippie types, I am quite interested in making pregnancy/labor/birth more a natural life experience, and less a medical experience- which means I'm not particularly interested in hospitals, drugs, etc. So, on that note, I am interested in reading about natural pregnancy and childbirth. And I'm not entirely sure, but I think the book I now have in my hands, might be more the other end of the spectrum from what I am looking for. But, the only way to find out is to read a bit. :) The first two chapters are about pre-pregnancy anyway, so, I *could* read it now. :)

Now, the next thing that happened today, might be a little mundane to write about, but I am going to! When I got home from work, eventually I headed into the bedroom to put on my workout clothes. As I walked in, I got the surprise that I get about every two weeks. The maid had changed the bedclothes and the white sheets and duvet cover were on the bed! YAY! I know you're thinking it seems inconsequential (or maybe you're attached to the maid part), but the whole feel of the room changes when the bedclothes change. The heavy blue stripe that is the theme of the other set is manly, heavy, over-bearing, a little bit nautical and mostly, just not up my alley. But this white set, it's airy, and light and lovely. It's all white save for small little concentric circles embroidered in neutral tones in a couple rows across the duvet cover. It invites a space of comfort and relaxation and a clear head space. And I feel this distinction every time I enter the bedroom on a day when the maid has changed the bedclothes. I feel it enough, that I am almost willing to buy a new set of bedclothes to replace the blue set (both sets we have now belong to the school, and were here when we got here). We'll see if I can find some cute, cheap ones in South Africa. :)

I think I am on the verge of becoming a person who exercises. I make a plan for myself at the beginning of the week, and then I try to stick with it. I give myself one or two days of rest, and the other days I'm out there kicking my own butt. For the last few weeks (like as many as 5 possibly?) I have missed none, or only 1 or 2 of my planned sessions. And mostly, the reason for the missed workouts is foot pain (which has now gotten to a point that I am considering a longer break from running, but not exercising, to give my feet a chance to heal). Basically, I am sticking to my plan pretty well, and feel good about that. One of these days, it'll show up in the way I look too.

Oh, I remember the last thing I was going to write about is sort of about babies again, but not really. (Yes, ok, if it's not the wedding I'm thinking about, then it's babies- SO SUE ME!) In the last few years I have been through some tough head space. Mostly it's been because most of my best friends have gotten married, become "married people" (yes, they are different than single people) and then started having babies too. Because this is what I have wanted since I was like old enough to know what it was, I often felt left out, left behind and well, just plain jealous or envious- probably the uglier of the two. Anyway, so finally, here I am, and well, these things are in my future, my almost immediate future. Yay! So, I guess the silver lining to my self-made cloud of yuck from the last few years is that I am overly conscious right now of how my life might change sooner or later.

These days Joel and I both live very single-people lives. That is, we move when we want to. We travel with ease. We spend money on what WE want- clothes, electronics, surf boards, expensive food and toiletries. We take long showers (especially Joel!) We sleep a lot- I sleep early on weeknights (my bedtime is generally between 9 and 10 on weeknights), and we both sleep late on weekends (yes, we both still sometimes sleep til noon or later now and then). We're so single-people that I am probably not even thinking of the ways in which my life is going to change. :)

But yeah, so, the cool thing is that, right now, especially seeing how my friends' lives have changed, I can over-appreciate that which I have. I can just love and fully appreciate being able to do all the things I can do now, so that I can fully love the things I will be doing later, that will mean less of what I am doing now. I think it's cool. I'm feeling confident that I'll be mostly like any other newly married woman, or new mother- that I'll love where I am then/now, and will only look back on "my old life" with sweet memories- the kind where you say, "Gee, wouldn't it be nice...but I would never trade what I have!"

Yeah, so that was what happened today... would you also like to know what I had for breakfast? ;)

Taking it personally

The writer of one of my much loved blogs recently posted about money, which she starts off by saying, right off the bat, is a bad idea. I totally agree with her- it's a bad idea (which is not to say that I didn't immensely enjoy her post, because I did, always do). But, here I find myself. I'm about to do it too. So bear with me, as I make this mistake.

Financial crisis means different things to different people. For some people it's something like, "You mean I have to fire my personal chef?" "I can't have my 3 hour personal training sessions with Hans at home anymore?" You know what I mean- these are people who are generally far too used to having everything they want when they want it the way they want it, that a financial crisis could mean one of the above.

I guess there are probably more levels of "feeling the crisis" but, I'm going to bring it on down to near the bottom. At the very bottom I know we have people who are subject to things I can't imagine- losing their jobs, their homes, their cars, their grocery money, etc. People who are left on the street because of it. But, I will admit, just as I don't personally know anyone in the earlier mentioned personal chef category, I am lucky to also say I don't know anyone in this category.

So, I know lots of people in the middle- people who are having to re-shuffle their priorities. Having to do things like downgrading their cable/internet package, buying generic brand instead of premium brand, eating out less, buying less clothes and other *stuff*, artfully arranging the payment of bills so that it all adds up, etc. Things that are not really nice to deal with, but that none the less still have one's self and ones family under a roof and fed at the end of the day.

I, on the other hand, am beyond extremely lucky (and I know it!) to be in what must be quite a minority of people who are not really feeling the financial crisis on a daily level. Be it because of our location, our job sphere (including the unmentionable o-word companies), or who knows what...but we're just not really feeling it. We're hearing a whole lot about it. But we're not feeling it.

Well, but I guess that is the lie. We are feeling it. Or I am. We're just not feeling it in the pocketbook. I'm feeling it because I'm planning a wedding in the middle of all of this. I'm planning a wedding that I wish people would attend in the middle of all of this. Now, my friends and family might be inclined to say, "Well, you should have done it at home!" - but I reply, would this have been fair to Joel's friends and family (for whom I might add the whole thing is much more expensive anyway, even with it being in Mexico)?

So, it is what it is. I'm kind of starting to realize the impact of being forever attached to someone who is from the other side of the world (literally)- my goodness, that could be a whole other blog post in and of itself- where to spend the holidays, the "sharing" of grandchildren, deciding where to live, how to do it all without offending someone at every turn! Oh God, what am I getting myself into? But I digress...

I'm not upset that we're getting married in Mexico- I'm happy about that. I'm excited for the resort itself, for the people that will be there with us for a week, for the people who will be there with us for THE day. But it does suck that people I never imagined would even question being there, are probably not going to be there. :(

So, I've said it recently out loud, and now I'll say it here, I'm taking the financial crisis personally. Because it's happening during my wedding year. Because it's affecting who will be at my wedding. Because in some small way it's sucking some of the joy out of what should be totally joyous.

And I know, maybe you want to class me with the "I have to fire my personal chef" person for saying it...but so it goes, I'm taking it personally. This is me today.

**updated** In an attempt to possibly make myself not look so bad, I just want to say that it's not that I am complaining because of the way the financial crisis is affecting me, I would have no right. I'm just saying that if there had to be a financial crisis, couldn't it have started NEXT year, or two years AGO? Why now? That's all.

People die here

I know, people die everywhere, but, people die here a lot. But the thing is, it's happening SO often, that my reaction to hearing about a death or a funeral is becoming numbed.

Just this morning, when I asked my teaching assistant how her weekend was, she said, "Oh it was pretty good, except I had to go to a funeral of a friend."

She only told me a week ago that a friend of hers died, so I asked if it was the same friend, "no, another one."

A few weeks ago, she told us the story of how two boys (aged 20, 22) had found a gun on their street, and were playing with it. They thought it was not loaded. Then, the one pretended to execute the other, and "oops" shot him through the head, because the gun WAS loaded.

Before that, she went to the funeral of her cousin.

And this is only since coming back from Christmas break.

Another thing is that infant mortality is REALLY high here. In fact, it seems that all of the locals who work at school and have been pregnant in the last two years, have lost their babies- either by miscarriage somewhere between 3 and 6 months, or by stillbirth. They even started having a bit of a conspiracy theory about how it was something AT SCHOOL that was causing this to happen- something in the food, or in the water. Needless to say, I got pretty freaked out.

Before Christmas, one of the gardeners that we know was gone for a few days because his brother was shot and killed. His response to Joel's words of condolence? "This is Angola. This happens here."

We have collected money on several occasions through the front office- once because one of the gardeners or maintenance guy's one year old died. I forget the reason other times, but I'm pretty sure it was to help out with someone else's funeral.

The thing is though, when you get an email or hear a story EVERY week, that someone else has died, you really do start to get numb to it- which is sad, because when you think about it, you think, the person who died left behind a mother, a father, siblings, friends, perhaps children, perhaps a wife or a husband. And that makes it real, and devastating. But, then, when you hear someone who is experiencing it, tell you about it, without much emotion, you're left wondering again, if being kind of numb about it, isn't kind of normal. Maybe even the locals are so used to having people die that they are numb to it as well?

Someone who lives in town near a maternity hospital (the GOOD one, so they say) says that she sees at least one big body and one little body carried out every day. Every day.

At the beginning of the year, we heard a story about a guy who was supposed to be teaching tennis after school. He had just had to bury his 2 week old son, because he got sick, and needed oxygen. The hospital they were at didn't have oxygen. So then sent an ambulance to pick him up to take him to another hospital that did have oxygen. But they sent the ambulance without the oxygen, and the baby died in transport.

So you start to get numb to it, unless you think about it. And of course, there is a privileged voice inside me that reacts right away with, "Why don't they take better care of themselves?" For instance, one of our TAs is pregnant right now. About a month ago (when she was maybe 5 or 6 months) she went to the doctor, and the doctor told her that she is leaking fluids. She came back to school the next day, and said that she would continue to work for another two weeks, until the end of the month! Of course, in America, Australia, lots of other places- she would just be put on immediate bedrest, no questions. But here, they let her work two more weeks, as she slowly leaks away her baby's fluids. The sad thing is, she already lost one baby (stillborn) a few years ago. God forbid it happen twice!

Anyway, so, in her instance, I don't know what it is that stops her from taking the time off right away. I think it is a combination of ignorance and needing the money (but she and her husband are better off than the average Angolan).

I was talking to my co-worker today about this, and she agrees that in a lot of these cases it is some combination of lack of medical care, ignorance, lack of nutrition and desperation.

The only thing that also happens often, is that people die in car crashes, but this, we agreed is their own fault. People drive SO CRAZY and SO STUPID here, it's a wonder there are any people left at all. The way people drive here makes all the drives in Latvia and China seem like top of the line safe drivers. Of course, this is also why the school has to train and fire a lot of drivers- because none of us will accept drivers driving like a local, so they have to be taught to drive safely.

Now, don't worry- if and when *I* or Joel needs medical care, we get it at the clinic that the locals can't afford. At the clinic where they will tell you pretty honestly that they don't have the doctors or the equipment to take care of you- and they will send you to South Africa right away. And there are other expat teachers who have been pregnant here, carried to term, and are now living here with the babies, safe and sound. Some people say that they would never live here with babies- but, these are people who don't have kids. Needless to say, if I ever feel that I am putting myself or my child at risk by being here, we will leave, no question. But for now, we're here, and planning on starting a family while we're here (don't forget, we plan on being here for two more years most likely).

So, there you go. Death. Something to get used to?

It's LentAl time!

Do you remember LentAl from last year? I gave up dairy to see if it would affect my health. It did, but, alas, I still eat some dairy now and then. Anyway, it's LentAl time again.

This year, I decided to embrace the "adding something positive" part of LentAl. But, there is a story behind this LentAl what I have committed myself to.

I recently finished reading a book called 365 Nights by Charla Muller. The basic idea is that Charla, for her husband's 40th birthday, gives him The Gift, the Gift being one entire year of sex every day, for better or for worse. Of course, at this point, you're probably asking yourself, "Is Mara really going to tell us about her and Joel's sex life now?" Of course not! :)

The truth is, the book, while it's birth came from The Gift, is largely not about sex. Of course, it is about sex, but, it's a lot more about marriage, life, relationships, and much more.

What Muller comes back to time and again throughout the book, is that it's quite normal for married mothers these days to focus their energy on either being the best moms they can be, or on balancing work and motherhood and therefore trying to be the best employee they can be- but rarely do they spend lots of energy thinking about how to be a better wife. Now, I realize I am only getting close to either of these roles, but, well, I reckon the book was a good way to get myself thinking along the right lines.

So, the then, the LentAl goal for this year is about intimacy. Now, intimacy does not equal sex, but neither does it exclude sex. But, the goal is that for 15 minutes a day, we turn off the tv, shut down the computers, close the books and just be with each other. We talk about our days, our plans for the future, anything that is on our minds...

For now, it's working. It's not that Joel and I weren't intimate before; I think we had quite a normal relationship that includes a bit of the tug of war of the genders (she wants to talk all the time, he doesn't want to talk at all, etc). But, for me, this added bit of intimacy is indeed making me enjoy our relationship more. And I think that is great. I'm not entirely sure how Joel feels about the situation- but he agreed to it and he's going along with it, without resistance, so he must feel ok. :)

I mean, see how cute and happy we are?

There isn't too much to tell...

but I will tell you this...

This evening when we were at the grocery store, I was looking at the frozen vegetables, when Joel decided to look at the frozen meat- even though we were at the grocery store where we never buy meat (mostly because the electricity goes out often, and the items in the frozen section thaw and refreeze repeatedly). When I was done looking at the veggies, I walked over to Joel to continue our shopping, and he smiled at me in a way that showed he knew something that maybe he shouldn't share with me. But then, he just picked up this one bag and said, "Look."

Now, I knew it was going to be meat, but it was a big bag. My first thought was that it was one of those whole pig legs that you can buy in Spain and probably elsewhere. But no, oh no. I looked closer. It was not just a pig leg. It was a whole pig. There was the head, the legs, the body, the whole, whole thing. We didn't check the price. We should have.

Oh, also, I don't think I have shared that I finally got my posting for next school year. I have been told that I will be teaching year 2, which is known elsewhere in the world as grade 1. We're talking 6 year olds turning 7 during the school year. I am excited for that. Of course, it will be a new challenge, seeing as it's a new grade for me- but, it will be more like what I am used to than what I'm doing this year- that is, I will have a normal amount of students (20-22), and I will have my own classroom. And therefore, it will be good.

Joel has had his cast off for a week or two now, and is healing well. His hand looks a little mangled still- his pinky finger is fat, and doesn't really bend right, or, more so, it bends out in a funny way that it seems it shouldn't. But, the good thing is that he's gone surfing once and played soccer once since getting it off, and he can almost cut his own dinner up. :)

Oh, and, last weekend, I hit another milestone in my running. I ran 10k on Saturday in an hour and fifteen. I desperately need new running shoes (which I know because of the foot pain that I get when I do my long runs, or too frequent runs), even though I got new ones in Melbourne at Christmas. It's less than a month til we go Zambia, and then we'll have those two all important days in South Africa to buy up all the things we can't get here. And new running shoes are already on that list!

Oh, and finally, if all goes according to plan, on Saturday, I will finally have what will hopefully be the first of many massages! We'll see how it goes, but, if I like her, I am totally going to make it a weekly thing, no questions. :)

And now, just for kicks, this is the picture I have as my desktop background right now. It just makes me happy. :)

My Angola hen's night (bachelorette party)

On Friday night Joel and I had our stag/doe, bachelor/bachelorette parties (I know it's also called a hen's night for women, but is the male version really a rooster party?). Because I am not a big fan of the drive into the city, and even less so the drive BACK from the city when it's late and you're drunk and just ready for bed, I asked that my party be held on campus. It made for a less crazy night than it could have been, but, well, I'm ok with that. Joel and the boys on the other hand, went into the city. When Joel got home he could do nothing more than grunt at me, drop his clothes where he took them off, and fall into bed. I guess he had a good night.

Anyway, I don't have pictures of Joel's night- and I don't think most of us would want to see em anyway- but I do have pictures of my night! So, here they are...

Oh first, an uninvited guest, bleh.

The table of booze- which was a plethora of "tropical cocktails" to match the theme

The decorations were hung in the trees. Fun. :)

Of course the jasmine itself is decoration!

One of the party guests relaxing and having a drink

Another...same thing... :)

Once more people arrived, the games started. The first one was that in small groups the girls made me both a bouquet and a headdress out of available materials.

Working hard...

Look at all that concentration!

Monica showing off her group's bouquet

T showing off her groups headdress

H showing off her groups bouquet

Although I did try on all three in succession, here I am modeling one while two other girls model the other choices- of course, an objective judge had to choose which one I would wear, for the rest of the night!

The final choice- and yes, the idea was precisely to give me a go at looking like I had big jugs for a night.

After that first game, there was another one where I had to answer a set of questions that Joel had answered earlier in the week- obviously, the goal being giving the same answer that he would give. I did ok, but not well enough- had to do a shot afterwards as penance. Then I sat down and chatted with the ladies.

The last game was a bachelorette party take on the well known kids game, Pin the Tail on the Donkey- our version was Plant the Kiss on Brad. (much more fun)

So first, I was blindfolded, and then had bright red lipstick applied...

Looking good...

Then, even though I had at least two drinks and a shot, and was well enough tipsy, I got spun 10 times!!! Everyone thought it was hilarious, except of course me, who really could barely stand up straight afterwards!

Checking out where my kiss landed- totally off to the side... :(

So I took my open-eyed liberty!

C takes her turn at the game

And Monica...

And B...

And J...

And the other J... :)

And H!

And finally the party planner herself took at stab...

After all that- if only he was real...

That was the end of the games that pictures were taken of. We continued on with a whole lot of chatting about things girls chat about- our men, our bodies, food, our men, sex.... :) It was a nice night. I headed home around 2 actually quite sober- which was good, because there was only room for one of us on the couch on Saturday- and Joel needed it much more than I did!

So, that was my Angolan hen's night- it was fun, but I have to say, I am looking forward to a night like this with all my old, at home friends...you know, it's just different. So girls... don't think you're off the hook! :)

On being a modern woman...

I won't lie, the fact that my nuptials are approaching has been making a lot of stuff come up for me- some of it good, some bad, some ugly. I hope it's not a bad, but rather a natural thing. Joel has been good enough to put up with my incessant desire to talk about things and to share things with me when I need him to.

Last night, we were chatting about some stuff, and some thoughts came up for me about why I might be facing some of the difficulties I have been. (I feel like I've blogged about this before at some point, but I couldn't find where, so, I'll write it down again...)

Anyway.... growing up, possibly because I did start dating rather young (I went out with the same boy for a whole year when I was in 8th grade/13 years old), I was always told, that you shouldn't focus all your energy "on a man". Of course, it makes sense that when you're 13, or 16 or even 19- you should be doing lots of other things in your life, and just worrying about being involved or trying to stay involved would not be a good thing.

As a young woman, I received a constant message of, "be independent", "chase your own dreams", "don't rely on a man", even, "don't let a man be the most important thing".

But here is the thing- here I am at age 28, heading towards my wedding, and suddenly, inexplicably, the rules seemed to have changed- now it's, "your husband should be your best friend".

How do you go from never putting a man in first place, never relying on a man, to having him be your best friend?

I cried to Joel last night that sometimes I just worry about leaning on him too much, about needing him too much- of course he giggled at me, and said he'd always be there, and that I shouldn't worry, that I *can* lean on him.

When I look back, I think I might have worried about boys too much in general when I was young, lost sleep over them, cried about them, just thought about them too much! But then, it didn't stop me from getting great grades, playing volleyball, being in musicals, being in the National Honor Society (even being the secretary one year), I earned money babysitting (no I didn't have a real job til I went to college)- I got the full ride academic scholarship for university. But then, even in uni- I worked, I still got great grades (there might have only been one semester I wasn't on the Dean's list), I pursued my dreams in general-- and yeah, I dated, I fell in love, I had my heart broken a few times, I even slipped into mild depression now and then (my poor roommates...), but through it all, I don't think I ever really gave up on myself or my dreams.

And then of course, after university, I think I made a pretty bold choice about going to China. It was a big move to make- and this one thing, I have to admit was partially man-motivated. I desperately needed to get away from an ex and a whole life that I had that involved him in so many ways- I saw him everywhere I went in that town, I couldn't stop thinking about him, and I needed to get away from it. I needed to get away from him. And I did. And I couldn't have picked a better place to NOT find a man. Well, ok, I found men, but in two years in China, I certainly didn't find anyone worth the time I spent on them. Which is unfortunate, because I did spend quite a bit of time on one of them.

Anyway, the point is, it seems that actually, I have done pretty well to follow those rules of not putting a man in the first place- although probably, I just spent way too much energy and emotion on men- which is maybe why I was always getting the "talks" from all the important women in my life about it all. I guess in an odd way, my actions never really matched up to my words, in that although emotionally I might have been consumed by men, I didn't let it stop me from DOING things- which maybe is the important thing? I don't know.

But anyway, at this point, I am simply finding it difficult to transition from one set of rules to the next! And it just feels like the trap that one modern woman might find herself falling into.

I was thinking the other day that had I met my first really serious boyfriend in 1794, or 1894 instead of 1994, I probably would have married him, by now I would have a herd of children, and well, life would be very, very different. Maybe it wouldn't have happened that way, because back in those days, I wouldn't have been able to choose a mate-- but, the point is, it seems like life has to some extent just become that much more complicated. Sometimes rules seem to make life easier- and now that we have no rules- well, there are still rules, but maybe they are more subtle, which just makes everything very complicated, no?

I don't know- but I wonder, am I the only "modern woman" finding it difficult to transition emotionally from single-dom to couple-dom? Because you know, the physical part of this transition has been easy as pie- nothing ever felt so natural as to share a space with Joel (yes, the first and only guy I have ever lived with)- which is funny, because I'm pretty sure, joining our lives up physically was indeed quite difficult for him. Getting used to having someone around all the time wasn't easy for him. But for me, it was easy, it felt natural, and I loved it.

That's my story for today- I'm working on the balance of being me, while being a part of a couple- the balance of being strong on my own, while being able to lean on Joel- the balance of continuing to pursue my dreams, while also being Joel's #1 cheerleader, and of course working on building and pursuing our common dreams as well. On being a modern woman, choosing to be in the ancient institution of marriage.

What are you doing in the loo?

Today, when I got back to the classroom after lunch, my coworker was standing near one of the bathrooms- she started madly motioning for me to come to her. I wasn't really sure what this could be about, because let's face it, the kids do all kinds of things in the bathrooms, but usually, it's not something we want to show each other. We're all quite used to having the kids use the toilets with the door open, anyone pees or poops while others wash their hands- it's normal. As a teacher, you never hesitate to actually open the door a bit to see what is going on in there, who is in there, etc, because groups of girls huddle in the bathroom to hide from the boys, or to share a lipstick they have sneakily brought to school- boys tend to lock themselves in and go on to have water fights, etc. So, the bathrooms have a pretty open door policy in our classroom... and we've seen plenty...

But today, seeing what I saw, tops anything I have seen in one of our bathrooms...

I wish I had a picture.

But I don't.

Because, he was pooping. Except he wasn't. Because he was asleep. Sitting on the john. Head laid gently on his knees, arms dangling at his sides. There he slept.

We wanted to take a picture so badly, but of course, we did not. Then, my coworker decided that she should really wake him, and so she gently shook his shoulder, and asked, "Are you done?"






P.S. How do you like this new look? I love the flowers on the right side... I wish there were more instead of polka dots. But I like it. And I like how I added lots of different colors for all the headers and stuff, so it's like someone threw up a rainbow on my blog. :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ah, Valentine's day. Hallmark holiday? Christian holiday? American holiday? Well, I'll tell you what... I don't really care WHOSE holiday it is- I think it's nice to be reminded (especially in this fast paced world where often we DON'T take the time to really be with our special someone) to spend a day, or an evening, with the one you love. I'm not saying it has to be expensive, it's more about time to me.

Earlier this week, or maybe it was last week, Joel was thinking about booking a bus to get to the clinic on Sat the 14th, because he had another check up for his broken hand. Last time he went to the clinic, he got there around 2, and left at nearly 8. So he put it to me, that if I was willing to go with him to the clinic on that day and sit with him all the hours that he would probably end up being there, then we could go out for Chinese that night, for Valentine's Day. I was impressed that he came up with this plan (points for him!) and agreed to it.

But then, it turns out, he actually had an appointment time - at 8:30 am! So he ended up getting up early on a Saturday (for that matter so did I!)- he left school at 7:30, got to the clinic at just past 8, saw the doctor at 12, went to get an x-ray, another hour before he got that, at 1:30 the x-ray was ready, and then YAY! He got his cast off. He was home by 3. If you're interested I got up early to go for a run- 7k! (and I did it- running the whole way!) and then went into town to go shopping at a store called Jumbo. I still got home way earlier than he did.

Anyway, so then we were both home in the afternoon, took naps (I was really tired after the middle of the night blogging and the long run that morning!), and then finally got dressed for the big night out! There was one small problem though- even though he had really tried his best, Joel had not ever been able to find the phone number for the Chinese restaurant that we wanted to go to. Not even the locals could find it for him. So, when we showed up at the Chinese place all decked out, we got turned away at the door. Darn. It really stunk because, we had even talked during the ride into town about what we were going to eat, etc. We were both pretty excited about it, I'd say!

So, after being turned away, we got back in the van, and told the driver to drive further along the Ilha until we found a restaurant. We knew there were a couple Indian restaurants in the same area, and thought it would be good to try to find one of those (Indian and Chinese can be counted on for vegetarian food- other, especially Angolan/Portueguese restaurants, not so much). We finally did spot the one and Joel ran inside to ask if they had any available tables.

He came out laughing to himself and with a big smile on his face. He opened the door and said that yes, there are still tables, but, the restaurant was having a "Valentine's Dinner and Dance" for a set price of 8,500 Kwanza (or $110) a head. We thought about it, and then said, "Eh, f-it. We might not find anything else- let's just do it!" So we told the driver to "stand by" and headed inside.

Lordy, lordy- the red, the white, the gold, the hearts, the balloons, the strobe lights, the lasers, the cheesy, cheesy, bad music, the flower arrangements, the peacock feather arrangements (!)- it was all VERY over the top!

When we walked in the floor was littered with heart shaped balloons that said, "I love you", the lights were dim, and as Joel forked over the ridiculous amount of money, the maitre d' handed me a rose (yes the one pictured above). I have to say that was a nice surprise, because aside from a few flowering bush type things, you don't see flowers in Luanda. You can't buy flowers. It's almost like they don't exist here. But I got a red rose on Valentine's Day. :)

So then we sat down, and ordered drinks. I wanted white wine, Joel (trying to do it up right for such a night out, skipped the coke and) asked for red. Next thing we know, they bring us whole bottles each- one for me, one for him. They say, "Sorry, we only have bottles tonight." We were like,"Uh, but is it expensive?" And they said, "No, you already paid for everything!" Well, ok then!

We sat for a long time, and our tummies started to rumble...finally we saw some people getting up and going to the buffet- and just then, our waiter came and told us to help ourselves, so we went. I won't go into details about the food- it was Indian, had a good spread of both veg and meat items, and we both stuffed ourselves. I also had dessert, although Joel just had one cracker with cheese. It was all very good.

The waiter kept coming back and filling up our glasses when they were not nearly empty, and we both got close to drinking a whole bottle of wine. Finally, we decided to leave- Joel was getting antsy, although, it was only nearing 11, and people weren't even dancing yet- actually because Angola has the Portuguese influence, people often start their dining experience somwhere between 10 and 11- maybe even later! So, as we were leaving, there were people just still coming in. And I'm sure the bad dj eventually got some people out on the dance floor, to boogie down to the awful music.

Anyway- if you're wondering about the "I love you" heart with the two monkeys in the picture with the rose- well, that is what *I* got Joel for Valentine's Day. When I was at the store that morning, there was a variety of totally crappy stuff like that, but no nice boxes of chocolates or anything like that, so I decided, "when in Rome..." :) I told Joel he should take the heart to his classroom so he can remember how much I love him every day- and maybe so that we don't have to see it every day in our house. :)

Hope your Valentine's Day was happy too! :)

It's nearly 3:30am...

I went to bed last night around 10, after having passed out cold on the couch sometime before that... this happens on Friday nights.

But it's now nearly 3:30am, and I was woken from a really bizarre dream where I was in a car- and a slightly grown up version of one of my students was driving- we were driving from Grand Rapids (Michigan) back to Kalamazoo- but along the way, on the highway, we kept driving past high schoolers in states of random undress playing in the puddles on the highway- and by the way, the ones that were dressed, were clearly in their Prom best. I tried to get out my cell phone to call 911 and report that there were people playing on the highway, that we kept nearly hitting- but the driver had the radio on so loud, that I could not hear anything. All the buttons in the car were in totally random places, and I kept searching for the button to turn it down...and yelling at the kid driving that I couldn't hear. Then I heard the lady on the phone (the 911 lady) say, "I've been waiting for you to talk for like 2 minutes now..." and I proceeded to get in a fight with her over the fact that she should have said something LOUDLY when she picked up. Then, the kid takes an offramp, and suddenly, it's not night-time anymore like it was on the highway, and we're zooming through this little town, and she's driving WAY TOO FAST and she takes a turn that goes by an old (but still functioning) church and then it was a dead end, the end of the street blocked by big pillars, to cut this road off from being a throughway- and my student, she's like, "Let's just see if we can squeeze through here..." Of course we could not, so with reckless abandon she throws it into reverse and we back back down the street, and as we drive by backwards I see the pastor (who in my dream happened to look like a Latvian politician whose kids used to go to my old school) and some of his parishioners coming out of the church.

Then I woke up, because still, it was so LOUD. I sat up in bed, thinking, "What the hell? I'm not dreaming anymore! Why is it so loud?" We sleep with the air conditioner on, so we're used to that relatively "white" noise in the night- but this was something different. I got up out of bed, and went to the window, and realized that it is raining so hard that the sound is not of raindrops, but just the dull roar of sheets of rain coming down. I just opened the door to see how loud it sounded outside, and realize that our roof must amplify the sound. I don't know what it's made of, but, um, clearly, not a rain friendly material. There are occasional flashes of lighting, and I heard one boom of rolling thunder... but mostly, from inside here, it sounds like a fan is turned on high and blowing in your face- like the AC is up and making a lot of noise. It's really loud white noise.

But, it's funny because the sound is so dull- I want to it to separate- I want to hear the little raindrops... but I suppose, that won't for a while. In the 25 minutes it's taken me to distractedly get this down, the rain hasn't eased up at all. I wonder how long it will last. Ah well... I'll go back and listen from bed...

Living in Luanda...six months on

For some reason, maybe because it's 6 months almost to the day that we've been in Luanda, it seems time for a reflection on where I am, what impression this place leaves now, etc.

To start, my last poll is indeed inspired by the way I currently feel towards work. I was the first person to answer the poll, and yes, I chose the first answer. Having been sick for the last week, and doing basically nothing that might be classified as constructive in that time, I've basically realized that either I am incredibly lazy, overly simple and easily entertained or just THAT over my current work situation. I didn't really enjoy being sick of course, but, honestly, I wasn't THAT sick, just possibly contagious, and therefore had to stay home. So I slept, I watched tv, I surfed the net, I thought about the wedding from every direction, got in touch with the wedding planner, made some headway on a few things, I made cookies one day, I napped...but I never got bored, I have to say. Anyway, I liked it because it was calm, and peaceful- not stressful and uncertain and uncomfortable like work is right now. I do hope that things change next year- that I get to move grades, that I get to have my own classroom, and that I feel reinvigorated to be teaching.

As a side note I think that maybe I could be one of those women that quits her job to plan a wedding- not because I like to be that obsessed with the wedding, but because I could focus on it. I think part of my lack of interest in working right now is that I'm nesting- no, I'm not pregnant- but, basically the thing that interests me right now is being with Joel, planning the day that will symbolically mark the beginning of our life together, and looking towards what might happen in our lives just after that- hopefully. That's what I want to do right now. And while I am trying to carry on with life as usual, I do feel like everything else kind of pales in comparison.

Anyway... so, work is work, and that is only one part of life...

As for the rest of life here...

We generally leave campus once a week. On Tuesdays. When we go grocery shopping. Aside from money I spend on the internet buying things for the wedding, this is really the only money we spend- currently running at about $300 a week. That includes some "treat" kind of foods, but mostly, that is just what it costs.

When we go grocery shopping we go to at least two stores, sometimes three. The first stop is always the expensive shop down the street where we change money, and pick up some imported stuff- like brown rice, sour cream, soy products, taco kits, salsa. Joel buys his meat here, because it's safe, though more expensive.

After this shop we usually go to the big local grocery store. This grocery store is as big as a grocery store back home would be- the difference is in the things it sells. There are probably 5, maybe 10 different kinds of cereal. There is one kind of honey, when there is honey. You can buy either whole flats of eggs or sometimes, fairly rarely, they have boxes that hold a dozen. Eggs cannot always be counted on to be there either, therefore I buy them by the flat. The produce section looks big, but is a let down. The food that this store sells is unfortunately mostly not local- which shows in the way that it looks by the time it gets to the shelves. I walk in every time really wanting to find stuff to buy, but, unfortunately, I rarely do. On our last trip I think I bought some cucumbers, maybe potatoes. Sometimes I get carrots there, but I haven't seen any in a long time. Onions, sometimes squash, maybe a zucchini.

I am coming up against being very bored with the food here. And it's hard because mostly the food that you can get is processed, in a box, canned, dry staples (pasta, couscous, rice). I want to be healthy, and I want to eat fresh food. I do want to lose weight, and not being able to get my hands on things like greens, fresh vegetables, etc makes that hard. Because when you can't get that stuff, you end up having to do SERIOUS portion control because all those other foods are so calories dense to try to lose weight. It's frustrating.

I have already told Joel that really, really good food has to be at the top of the list for must-haves for the next place we live. Which is why Asia or South America are the top next choices.

I still have not taken a picture of the beautiful little birds that live all around here. I love to see them- their blue bellies make me unbelievably happy. And they are so cute.

I am still in love with living in the heat. Although, that said, it is easy to forget how hot it is, when you have good air conditioning. During the week that I was sick, I was on the verge of wanting to wrapped up in blankets (well I was sick!), but, that is because I didn't really leave the house- and we do keep the inside of the house comfortable. In fact, sometimes, it gets downright cold in here, and then we switch the air off and warm up again. But, I think it's normal to want to be comfortable. I still relish the fact that when I walk outside I can be warm, that the sun shines 6 out of 7 days (maybe more), and that I never have to walk through snow, slush or driving cold wind. That makes me happy. I don't miss winter.

Since being here I have been out to eat maybe 5 times- we've been to the bars once or twice each. It's not really my scene, the bar scene here. Mostly because it's one of those doesn't start until after midnight kind of scenes. But also, I don't like the fact that to get to bar you have to drive an hour, and worse, an hour to get home again (when you'd really rather just be home).

I've been to the movies twice, once with the girls, once with Joel. The movie theater is actually quite nice on the inside. You can tell it's new, and hardly used (movies aren't really the kind of thing locals can afford to spend their money on). Unfortunately, they get an odd selection of movies- not really sure who picks them. The concession stand offers stale popcorn, canned soda or beer and water. Hmm, maybe packs of gum. So, it's not quite like going to the movies back home- but that said, you can openly bring in food from the mall food court, and no one says anything. So, if you want to bring your burger and fries from Wimpy's or Bob's in, that is fine- or if you want to bring your sundae from the ice cream shop, that is fine too. I suppose then, I should just plan better the next time we go, and buy some more favorable snacks before the movie.

We do spend a bit of time with people from school on the weekends. I mean, it's hard to avoid your neighbors when you live in a place like this. Often on Friday nights someone lights up a BBQ and everyone gathers on a porch and drinks either socially or heavily. Us girls still get together to talk weddings now and then. I still meet with the book club once a month, as I mentioned not long ago. There is stuff to do, and at the same time, it's easy to get lazy, and just hang around inside. We haven't been to the beach since Joel broke his hand of course.

I guess in the end, I neither love it nor hate it here. It's a place where I am existing quite nicely for now. I cannot see it being a place where I would be tugged to stay. Latvia was hard to leave for a myriad of reasons. But Shanghai, for as difficult as it was, and for as much as I had no real ties to the place, was also hard to leave- it did seem so full of fun and possibility (aside from the one real thing I was looking for- a man). I think that when we leave Luanda, it will be easy. Of course we are here for the experience, the adventure, the possibility of travel in Africa- but I don't think it is a place that will evoke in me a deep connection. We all have our places where we feel that- some stronger than others.

Ah, I'll tell you one more thing- this morning- ok I'll tell the truth, it was after noon- on my first foray into the bathroom, I was faced with a giant dead, or rather dying, cockroach. It's not really the thing that one wants to see first thing. But, from what I am gathering, roaches die always on their backs, in places where you never see them otherwise. I am faced with roaches in this way often in the classroom- but this is the first one we've found in the house like this. I wonder, if unlike cats or dogs, who go to find a secluded, dark place to die, roaches crawl out in the open for their last breaths. Perhaps it is that roaches are terrible, unforgiving creatures, and when they see one of their own dying, they drag it out on it's back to die away from the family. Who knows.

So, that's my 6 month update. Only two months until we travel to Zambia, and have some time in South Africa again- yay for shopping. I already have a list of things to buy that you just can't get here. So, here's looking forward!

Not really sure...

No I'm not, not really sure if I like this new, quite busy look of my blog here. But, you get bored. And also, I saw my cousin Liene's new look, and I LOVED it. If I didn't know her, I would just make my blog have the same background. But alas, it would be weird if we looked exactly the same.

Anyway, so, who knows, I might change things around again soon, because, like I said, I'm just not sure about this- it's SO busy, but... well, it is what it is for now. :)

Oh, and, in case you didn't notice, living on the edge of the city won over living in the country. Waahooo!!! I will not die lonely. Of course, I don't know who actually answered that answer, but, well, I like most of my readers... ;) Just kidding! I love you all! :)

OK- one for the Smedes

I don't have a picture of my family that just includes the family of origin (well, unless you want one like 20+ years old), nor do I have one that includes only family of origin + steps. So this is what you get. :)

A favor for my family...

I just sent this image off to my family in the States. They had put in a request for some good pictures with names to be able to acquaint themselves with the Smedes clan. So I made this.

I sent it to Mook just for a laugh, and she said I had to blog it or she would. :) I guess she found it hilarious.

I think I did pretty well. It shows everyone, and tells who they are. I only missed out saying Luka's age- he's 3 and a 1/2- 4 in June right?

Maybe I should do one of these for the Smedes of my family? When was the last time my family took a family picture though? I don't remember- probably at my mother's wedding- which was well, in 2005? I guess it's good we have another wedding coming up to take another picture!

25 Things...

There is a thing, a meme (I don't know what that stands for. anyone?) or a forward going around on the good ole FB these days, where your friends write 25 things (anything!) about themselves, and then they "tag" you (yes, like in the childhood game, but they do it by writing your name, rather than slapping you). If you get tagged, then you have to write 25 things about yourself, and tag some other people. I have been tagged a lot of times, and I already wrote my 25 things long ago, because I'm a fool for such things, and goodness knows I like to write about myself.

Today, I am feeling the need to state things. Truths. Or things I would like to be truths. Or things that God forbid should be truths, but that feel the need to get out today. So, I'm going to write 25 here. If you read these 25, you can write 25 on your blog too- but I'm not going to "tag" anyone.

1. I use living abroad as an excuse to make decisions I like to think I would not make if I did not live abroad.
2. A life without sour cream might just be, a life not worth living.
3. I wish I could get dairy substitutes for products besides milk, because then, I think I could find a life worth living that didn't include real sour cream.
4. I suspect there is something markedly wrong with my guts, and that it affects the way I look physically.
5. I want to be a "family person" but I don't want to live near my family.
6. I wonder how different life would have been if one of my brothers had been a sister, if my parents didn't divorce, if we never moved away from Indianapolis. I suspect life wouldn't be measurably better, but possibly, very different.
7. Since becoming a vegetarian, I have become exceedingly adventurous with food- and I always try new things convinced I am going to like them. Usually I do.
8. I tried to like brussel sprouts. I just don't.
9. I can't wait to wear the wedding band that matches my engagement ring, to be a wife instead of a fiance, and to be married to Joel.
10. I was bit in the leg by a St. Bernard as a child, and I think the only dog I have ever felt completely safe with since, is my dad's dog Remy. She's a really, really nice dog. My brother's dog Teja doesn't count, because she's retarded and you can't be afraid of a retarded dog.
11. I think my life would be better if I had a car to be in and listen to music really loud and sing outloud really loud.
12. I take immense pleasure in watching people enojy eating food I have prepared. I don't want it to be, but food is love.
13. I judge people who misspell/misuse easy words harshly. When I see that I have made a stupid spelling/use mistake, I judge myself harshly too.
14. I sometimes smile to myself when I realize that I really am living the life I am living.
15. I have known a lot of really funny people in my life, and I miss them being around as much as I miss some of my really, really good close friends, because I love to laugh until it hurts, and I don't do it enough.
16. I never grew out of the phase that little kids go through when they are hyper-sensitive to the way clothes fit. It's not that clothes have to be comfortable, they just can't be uncomfortable in very certain ways.
17. I don't listen to music anymore, except for when Joel puts it on. I got sick of my tastes being made fun of.
18. I am sure it makes me a better person to eat green things.
19. Unlike many women, I am quite happy to wear the same shoes, carry the same bag and wear all the same jewelry pretty much every day. I own nearly 100 pairs of underwear however, and I make a really conscious choice about which pair to wear every day.
20. I really enjoy watching celebrity news and other reality shows-especially if they are about weddings or babies. I could, and do, spend entire days doing so.
21. When I get into a show, I can get so attached to some characters that I really feel like I am losing a friend when the show ends.
22. I could spend hours slowly moving through a grocery or drug store looking at every little thing on offer. Once in Latvia, I get sternly looked at and followed by a security guard for spending too much time in Drogas.
23. I'm not a person who keeps secrets. I wonder what it feels like to keep things in.
24. I think my friend AS is probably really and truly one of the best people I know. She is always giving of herself to so many different groups, yet still loves and supports her family and herself. I want to be like her when I grow up.
25. I'm really excited about my wedding, and am trying to plan it to be a fantastic event.

Am I destined for a solitary life?

OK, I know I'll always have Joel- and hopefully we'll have our kids- but, if 5 out of 6 of my friends who answered my poll (I was the 7th person) want to live in the country where they have no neighbors- then who are MY friends going to be near where I live? Wanting to live in the country, to me, is about like wanting to live in the snow year round- HA! Not going to happen!

Anyway, I know we don't live near anyone right now anyway, but, it makes me feel quite well, lonely anyway. Humph. I wish I made friends more easily.

I guess it's a sign of growing up in a way that you don't have to like all the same things as your friends. Back in the day, like in high school, even uni to some extent, you were friends because you liked the same things- the same music, the same hobby, the same sport, the same something! I guess these days, if we can drink the same wine, and chat, it doesn't really matter, huh? Used to be we could all sit around and whine about our boyfriends, but now we've all found the perfect men, well... I guess someday when my life catches up (which, let me be honest, seems to be taking eons), we'll be able to sit around and talk about the kids...

Ah well, anyway... I wish sometimes, like for this particular poll, that I could see who answered which answer. :) (If you're not answering the poll, for fear that I DO know who is answering which answer, then know, that actually I don't know, and there is no way for me to know.) I could swear that I have some friends that are city girls who want to live in the city- why haven't you answered the poll?!?

And all I have to say about all you people who want to live in the country- I hope you have every intention of doing so in a green, green, sustainable way, because the world can no longer support everyone wanting their own piece of the earth- it's too small, there are too many of us, and not enough world to go around. So be gentle with it. :)

OK I'm done.

Actually, I would just like to add again that actually I hate wedding planning. Maybe I would not if I wasn't having a destination wedding that I have to plan from too far away- but, today, I hate wedding planning. Blah. I think paper work and documents and such are the devils work. That is what I think.

**UPDATE** Oh, oh! Just as I was posting this, someone voted that they would like to live on the edge of a big city in a funky little neighborhood with me!!!! WAAAAAHOOOOOO!!! Who was it???? ;)