OK- one for the Smedes

I don't have a picture of my family that just includes the family of origin (well, unless you want one like 20+ years old), nor do I have one that includes only family of origin + steps. So this is what you get. :)

A favor for my family...

I just sent this image off to my family in the States. They had put in a request for some good pictures with names to be able to acquaint themselves with the Smedes clan. So I made this.

I sent it to Mook just for a laugh, and she said I had to blog it or she would. :) I guess she found it hilarious.

I think I did pretty well. It shows everyone, and tells who they are. I only missed out saying Luka's age- he's 3 and a 1/2- 4 in June right?

Maybe I should do one of these for the Smedes of my family? When was the last time my family took a family picture though? I don't remember- probably at my mother's wedding- which was well, in 2005? I guess it's good we have another wedding coming up to take another picture!

The first Anxiety Dream! Eek!

It's 7am on a Saturday, and I'm up. This is partially due to the fact that I went to bed reasonably early last night because I am sick (just a cold). But this is also partially due to the fact that I woke up out of what must be classified as my first wedding anxiety dream. I'll tell you about it.

I was at the home of my great-aunt Erna (RIP)- this house no longer exists, because it was torn down along with the whole neighborhood when an business park went up. Anyway... we were back in that house, and I can see it clear as day. I was there with my Dad and my Step-mom. It was the day of the wedding, and I was supposed to be getting dressed. We were in the front living room, which was for some reason absolutely covered in cat hair (they used to have a cat, but, the place was never covered in cat hair that I remember). I was sitting on the couch and Malda was getting the dress out. I saw the veil first- it was a dingy yellow and full of weird holes- like holes that were sort of meant to be there, but, the veil wasn't supposed to have any holes in it!

Around this point in the dream, I start crying. Just a little bit at first. Then, I realized that I had a baby in my arms- a tiny, tiny newborn! And the baby was looking at me with these really big aware eyes, wondering why I was crying.

But then the dress came out... now, I don't want to say too much about what my dress is supposed to look like (my dress is strapless...), but as soon as Malda took this dress out, I let out a howl of despair. The dress had lace sleeves and shoulders- and it all attached to what used to be my strapless dress with a big ole thick white band of velcro. The dress looked dingy and old as well. I kept crying, and the baby was looking at me so sad. I was trying to comfort the baby, giving it lots of kisses on the head, but I could not stop crying.

Thankfully I woke up then, and rolled over to cuddle into Joel. But then it was hot, and I had to pee, and I got up. :)

So, I guess it's started. From what I've heard from my friends, no bride makes it through planning her wedding without anxiety dreams. So yeah, there you go... now I'm going to nap on the couch, because getting up at 7 on a Saturday is just not right. :)

The post-engagement pre-wedding party

Last Sunday, the 28th, Joel and I celebrated our engagement and our upcoming wedding with quite a crowd. In three hours at an afternoon cocktails and canapes event I met more people than I can possibly remember. I was honestly moved by the sense of love and community- by the very clear fact that I am being welcomed to join a wonderful group of people. It was really lovely. Thanks to Joel's parents who hosted the event. I would say it was quite a success- and here's the photos to prove it. :)

Joel and I before the party

The cake
The smiling, standing up straight and tall, small talk, answering the same questions over and over again, etc starts... :)

To us!

Family...

Jon and Courtney and old friends of the Smedes....

That guy was from Texas and she liked my shoes- this I remember. :)

Jamin, Luka and Julie enjoying the party.

Lovely people...

Jon and Courtney talk to one of Jon and Joel's cousins

Joel: "Yeah, Angola is good... I teach year 4, and Mara teaches 4 year olds..."
Mara: smile and nod, smile and nod...

Grandpa's and their grandkids...

Cousins and an uncle...

Oma Oma, an uncle, and the guy from Texas ;)

Aunties and Oma Oma

Luka!

One of Joel's friend's dad

Good friends of the to-be in-laws

Cutting the cake

Joel and an old friend

One of Joel's friends and his former boss

The lady in white reminded me a lot of my Aunt J- I liked her immediately. :)

Talking with K's mom and the ex's dad

Jon catching up...

Cousins... possibly discussing when the one in the middle of the picture might deliver- she was VERY pregnant and 5 days past her due date. :)

Joel's and his ex's father. Well, it's true.

People started saying their goodbyes, as K's mother is doing here...my cheeks hurt so badly by this point- I'd been smiling non-stop for three hours.

Courtney's dad talking to that old friend of the Smedes...

Smiley, happy people

Guys Joel used to play soccer with

Center of attention...he did well...

We were talking about running into old students, because the guy standing next to me is a teacher, I'm sure...

The kids had lots of fun. :)

I'm sure no one got hurt...

Whew. There you go. Mook, that was mostly for you, because, who else that reads my blog wasn't there AND knows anyone of those people? :) I think you have to admit that I did fairly well remembering who almost all of those people were. I will admit that some of the older folks, who all had subtle, or not so subtle Dutch accents blended together, but even them, at least some of em, I can name, just obviously, not here on the world wide web. :)

It was a really nice party- and now I really can't wait for the real thing! Whoohooo!!!!! I loved being the center of attention, I loved the heart-felt messages that people gave us, and the whole fact that they were congratulating us on getting married (soon)! It was great. Thanks again Maria and Gerry! :)

This is HARD work!

Tell ya what, finding a wedding gown is hard work! I've only spent two days, one and a half really, doing it, and I'm exhausted!

On the first day we went, I started out quite uncomfortable. All these big, pouffy, white dresses... it's not something I wear! But the first store we were in was a small, not very nice one- the carpets were old and dirty, the dresses were not very high quality, and the staff had too much going on at once.

The next store we went into was much nicer by comparison. It was clean, well organized, had nice large dressing areas, and had a nice darkish grey carpet. I have decided, in my completely irrational and unreasonable head, that the dark grey carpet makes for a good shop. :) In that shop I found two dresses that I really felt like a princess in. I even tried the one on twice, because I liked it so much. And when the lady put the veil on my head, "just to see" I nearly started crying. There is something about the veil that just makes you a bride!

After that one afternoon, I was quite excited for today's second excursion. My future mother-in-law (and seamstress) as well as one of my future sisters-in-law were coming with. And, we were going to shops where you need appointments. I was excited.

Somehow on the way to the first shop though, I freaked myself out. It was going to be too fancy for me, too posh (I like dressing up, but let's face it, I'm not posh!), and the worst fear, nothing was going to fit. Not to mention, today started off hormonally imbalanced, so everything I was feeling I was feeling twice as big as I usually would. The fact that my mom wasn't there had me in tears, as did the fact that I was not a size 0.

Also, at the first shop, somehow the first dress I tried on was one that the sales lady picked. I didn't even like it, would never have chosen it, and felt like a sausage in it- it did not set the stage well. So that shop was pretty much a wash. Thankfully, we had a bit of a ride to the next shop, the sun came out, and luckily, for some reason, my mood brightened.

When we got to the second shop of the day, the grey carpet made me happy as soon as I walked in. As did the fact that right away we saw several dresses that looked worth trying on.

The sales lady at that shop was a bit funky herself (in a good way, not a stinky way), younger, chattier, and a very good judge of style/appropriateness of dresses. I don't remember how many dresses I actually chose to try on there, but she ended up choosing a couple for me to try on which rocked my world.

The one was not something I would have ever chosen on my own. It was strapless, and had a mermaid style skirt- we called it the pouf dress, because it was also too long (as were, let me see, oh yeah, ALL of the dresses!), and therefore pouffed at the bottom way more than it would have at the right length. Anyway, the lady zipped me into that dress (I sucked in and held my breath), then tied a satin sash around my waist, pulled a couple other parts of the dress tighter where it was too loose (in the bum I think) and used those big clamps to secure the extra fabric, and suddenly, I felt like a bodaciously curvy movie star out of some long(ish) ago decade. It was not a dress I would ever have given a second glance, and it was just stunning. It was highly inappropriate for a beach wedding- but I couldn't stop staring at it. I also tried several times to breathe deeply, and kept being reminded that to keep this shape, I would have to give up something, and breathing was it. :) It was just so gorgeous though- I was kind of willing to give up breathing.

They finally got me out of that dress- actually, the lady "released" me :), I took a deep, luscious breath and then I tried on another dress that she had chosen. I can't tell you too much about this one, because, well, it's the top runner right now, and needs to be a surprise for at least one person if not most of you (because what better surprise do you have a wedding than what the bride is wearing?)...but, I can say that this was a style I liked, but never thought would look good on me. But this dress has secrets that you can't see that work really well. And it was gorgeous. And it is the softest silk, and light and airy and flowy and perfect for the beach. And gorgeous. And glamorous. And gorgeous. :)

Eventually, I took that one off too, and soon we were done at that store. We had some much needed lunch (and glass of wine), and headed off to another shop. Right away I saw 4 dresses that I really wanted to try on. This store was also nice and clean and had grey carpet in the trying on area, so I felt ok... but, none of these dresses were stunning like the last two. None of them were jaw dropping. And the lady kept asking me what I didn't like, but it was really just the overall effect- it just wasn't there. And what I really wanted to say to her was, "I just don't like it as much as the one down the road," but well, to get good service, you kind of have to pretend that you really want one of their dresses, so you can't tell em that you like someone else's dress better. So then I was stressing myself out trying to come up with little things I didn't like about each dress. The lady probably thought I was annoyingly picky. I did try on two dresses that were fairly nice, and pretended to like them more than I did to reach a sort of acceptable end to that particular session.

The thing is as well though- by the time you've tried on 20 white dresses in one day, they all start looking somewhat the same. This one has beading, that one has lace. This one is an a-line, that one is drop-waist. This one is egg-shell, that one is snowflake, and the third ivory. They start to blend together, unless they REALLY stand out. Also, everyone is looking for my reaction first- but I want everyone else's reaction- so we find ourselves in a push and pull, "What do you think?", "No, what do you think?"

Lastly, the thing that makes it hard to really feel good about any dress is when it doesn't fit. Of course, the stores cannot stock every dress in every size. Some of them come in several sizes, and some of 'em don't. The ones that lace up the back can sort of be made to fit even if they are smaller because you can lace them looser- the thing is, you end up with flesh squeezed out between satin ribbons criss-crossing your back, and when you turn around and see that as the back of your dress, even though you *know* it won't look like that in your size, it's just really hard to say, "Yeah, I love this!" Worse yet, is when it's a zip up dress, and it's too small to zip, so they manage to fasten it in the back with a piece of elastic or something, so you can get the idea- but again, you turn to see the back, and what you get is a nasty piece of elastic, pins, a flash of your underwear that isn't quite bridal, and your love-handle, and you just don't feel the sexy. It just makes it hard to like the dress. Alas, the dress that I am mostly in love with was one that the lady just stood behind me and held tight, because it was so small, she could neither bind it, nor clamp it, nor elasticize it. The result is that we're not actually fully aware of what the back looks like- and therefore we're already planning a trip back to that shop. :)

After that shop, it was near/past 4:00- and we'd left the house that morning at 9- so we were all beat. Driving home we talked very little- as far as I'm concerned, just because we were exhausted. And as soon as we got home, I crawled into bed under the pretense of reading, but really to take a nap. :) Said nap is probably the reason I'm feeling wide awake at nearly 1am just now...but what can you do? I needed it!

So, that's it; my wedding gown shopping experiences. It stinks a bit to have to hurry through these trying-on sessions and choosing, but that is what I get for living in Africa. Ah well, I suppose the sooner the decision is made, the less time I have to stress about it.

Now, if we can only figure out what Joel is going to wear... :)

Planning, planning, planning...

We've been doing a lot of planning lately... it's kind of exciting! We've booked all our flights for the next 9 months. It's pretty crazy- but it has to be done that way, because for one thing all the flights in and out of Luanda can get booked very quickly- as in, when we were looking at the flights for August (when we will come back to Luanda after the summer) there were several flights right around when we want to come back that were already sold out! What I'm most excited to know is that on June 21st we'll fly into Kalamazoo (after spending a week in NYC-which should certainly be exciting!). It's just fun to know when I'll be home again.

We've also booked the flights for Mexico. :) Yay!

We also planned, and ordered, our wedding bands. Wheeeee!!!! I'm very excited about them- they will be beautiful, and just exactly what we want.

Invitations are picked out, but, not ordered just yet. Party favors (personalized matchbooks! So cheesy, but so cute! And we might still get something else too...) and personalized napkins have been ordered and delivered. My mom is the lucky person who gets to open, look at, and then store all of these packages for now. I envy her. :)

Oh, and yeah, we've booked our flights for our honeymoon as well. Even when I put the poll up, we had mostly already decided- we're going to Mauritius. It should have the perfect blend of beaches, surfing, wonderful weather, culture and nature to suit both of us. :) The other destinations were all possibilities at one point or another- and will remain on our list of places to visit.

Other than all this planning, I haven't been doing much. My job is getting the best of me, er, all of me, right now. It's kind of a long story, and things aren't that good for me right now, so I am just REALLY looking forward to the holidays coming up soon- as you can see from the ticker on the left- only 23 days to go! :) But, of course, being stressed out would be helped by exercising again- it's a matter of just doing it, isn't it? Maybe tomorrow... :)

Happy to see the participation on the polls... new ones coming up soon!

My favorite toast from July 18, 2008

"No more hummin and hawin, no more maybe's...
from here on out, it's
babies, babies, babies!!!!"

That was the fabulous Dan who said that one...
He's just plain great...
always going on about how I'm going to be a great mom. :)

(And yeah, my whole class knows how much I can't wait for the babies,
so the toast was just perfect!)

Awww.... (now with pictures!)

I love this group of people. I have the best classmates ever.

I decided this morning that I was really excited about my -1 anniversary (as demonstrated by the previous post). So, I ran out at break time and bought a couple bottles of 6 euro chamapagne. Just before we broke for lunch I came in with the two bottles, and let everyone know why today was special for me, promised I would send pictures next year, and asked them to celebrate with me today.

I had told my professor in the morning about this, and she had whispered it to some of my more eloquent classmates... so what do you know? We pour the champagne, and we have toasts! I received three proper, beautiful, sometimes funny and oh so appropriate toasts. It was GREAT.

Best group ever. It's funny because, I might end up working with one or more of these people at some international school in the future. And I might not be friends with them people forever. Communication is bound to taper off, and people will lose touch (even though we've been so intensely close for the last 13 months)....but the cool thing is, I get the feeling that these are the kind of people that I'd be able to pick up with whenever we meet again. That is cool.

So here are the pictures...

Here I am saying, yeah, I'm a dork, but I want to celebrate this day with you!

And here we have the beginning of the opening of the one bottle. David there next to me was ever so happy to get that other bottle off my hands. :)

But the bottle won't open. Lots of people were cringing and getting out of the way, thinking I'm going to poke someone's eye out or break a window... but I swear, that cork just wasn't budging!

No, but really! It's NOT moving!

So Peter steps up, thinking I'm just being a girl, and has just as much trouble budging that cork as I did! See the look on my face, you can hear the, "I *told* you it wouldn't open!"

And then, David has poured me a classy plastic cup full of 6 euro champagne, and I can't be bothered with Peter's bottle anymore... :)

Viktorija and I (notice in my hand I am holding a class evaluation...) Oh, and notice Peter back there excited because he poured champagne for others, and then we ran out of cups, so he got the rest of the bottle.

And then everyone was doing evaluations while drinking champagne!

Some even had to get on the floor...

And once champagne was consumed, of course we all started talking at once... oh no wait, David and I talked all the time anyway...

The end of another week... there we are the lot of us. One week from graduation! Whoohooo!!!

Do you know what today is?

It's July 18.

Do you know what that means?

Exactly one year from today, Joel and I will exchange our vows. We will be married.

Wow, huh?

:)

So cheesy, and so into it

I've been through some spaces in the last couple of weeks. You'd think that with just having gotten engaged, I'd have promptly chosen a quality spot on cloud nine and stayed there. Yeah, well- you know me, nothing is ever that easy.

Don't get me wrong- for the 5 days that followed the actual proposal, when we were enjoying a long weekend, and not having to worry about normal every day things, I clung pretty steadfastly to my spot up in the clouds. But alas, we had to return to the real world, and with that return, came a whole truck load of things to deal with.

Mainly what hit me was that WE HAVE TO ORGANIZE A WEDDING! Now, this is actually a complicated enough task, full stop. But adding in that our wedding is going to connect people from several continents, that it is going to happen in a place where none of us has ever been, and that nearly all the planning has to take place "virtually"- it becomes pretty daunting.

I started doing internet searches for everything- hotels, resorts, dresses, you name it. Everything is hard to imagine, hard to believe and well- just hard to understand honestly.

My biggest concern was getting a date and a venue set. Because we are planning a destination wedding, not in the world's cheapest locale, I felt it only fair to give my family and friends, many of whom I hope will join us for the big day, fair warning with what to expect.

After days of wracking my brain, fruitless internet searches and a couple fights with Joel, I finally decided to just find someone to help us. I found a wedding planner online- signed up- got in touch- and started breathing again.

No final decisions have been made yet- not even the date or the venue, because we're still mulling over a few very important points (mainly points dealing with money)- but, the thing is that I now have someone knowledgeable working with me to help me get there. She's asking the questions she knows to ask, and giving me answers that I wouldn't ever have found elsewhere. Most importantly, she's going to make Hawaii work for us, and our guests. :)

So now, now that I am breathing again, I am getting into it. I am getting all cheesed out about being engaged and being a bride and planning a wedding! :) Did you see the total cheese of a count down ticker I have up in the left hand corner there? It's set to a fake wedding date right now, since we don't know what it is yet- but it's accurate within a week. :)

I don't plan on turning into a bridezilla (does anyone?). But I mean, I don't have any grand ideas about how I want things to look either- although I've always dreamt of being married and having babies, I never really dreamt about the wedding itself. I know little bits and pieces. It was easy to pick Hawaii as a place to do it, because a wedding on the beach, or overlooking the beach would be perfect. I know I want blue details in my wedding dress- but I don't know what kind. I know I want good photography, because while everything else about the wedding (not the marriage!) will last only that one day, the pictures will be forever. Of course, I want to be with as many friends and family as can make it. And more importantly than anything else, Joel will be the person I share this day with.

So I'm excited to plan, to explore options and to see how it might all come together. Right now, I am very focused on the things that I can do NOW- feeding myself well, sleeping enough, exercising, breathing- which will have an effect on how everything turns out on that day. And I'm not going to lie- I can't wait until we have a hotel booked, and I am put in touch with the wedding coordinator on site to start talking colors and flowers and all that fun stuff. I really can't wait to get to Melbourne in December so that I can really think dresses. I know I'm in good hands on this one- and am very excited about it!

I'm excited! That is what it comes down to! I am totally excited! And um yeah, I plan on doing plenty of sitting around daydreaming, imaging how wonderful it all will be. I plan on talking about it a lot. With everything else that is going on in the next year (A LOT) I totally plan on spending a whole lot of energy on this wedding. And I'm totally excited!

Like the woman so excited to be pregnant, she starts wearing maternity tops in her second month, I want to wear the "Future Mrs. Smedes" t-shirt, like now. :)

Excited! Cheesy! Happy! In love! (and finally breathing again, thanks to the wedding planner...)