Oh, my dear sweet boy! You are one! You are actually now a few weeks past one, but, here I am only writing this now. Because this is what life is like now. I hardly ever get around to doing anything I want to do when I want to do it. There is always something else to do. But this is important, so, before you're two, here is who you are at one.
You are amazing. I am absolutely taken with you. I watch you, and I say to your dad, "He is so fucking perfect." Yes, I use those words. Sometimes I say cute, sometimes adorable, sometimes awesome. But the point is, I just can't get enough of you, even though I see you every day. I tell him we need to have 10 more kids just because you are so cute (ok, we factor your sister in there too, but, this is about you!).
You say Mamma. You yell it. You do it when you wake up at night if I'm not there. You do it when you're hungry. You do it when you're in the backseat and you can't see me. You yell Mamma all the time. I love it. You also say Tetis, although it sounds a bit more like Tdetde. But it's clear what you mean. We're all waiting anxiously to hear what you will call Beni. This is the time when nicknames are born.
You walk. You practically run. You started walking *just* before you were 11 mos old, and then you quit totally for a week, and then you got back to it, and never went back to crawling. It was weird really. But, once you had the walking thing down, you were D.O.N.E with crawling. In fact, you try to walk everywhere now, including up and down stairs, and it doesn't always work out so well for you. Luckily, no major injuries have been sustained, but we're here to catch you, most of the time. You know think you're hilarious when you walk backwards, when you run away from someone at any time. You laugh at yourself. I haven't seen anyone manage to not laugh with you.
You are so very aware and alert. You watch and you listen and you copy. I still can't get over how much you understand. When I ask you if you want to take a bath, you walk to the bathroom (or to the gate at the stairs, and ask to be let through). When I say it's time to go, you start waving goodbye to people and find your shoes. When I say it's time to eat, you go straight into the kitchen. When I ask for a kiss, you come at me with a gaping mouth, ready to slobber all over me, and then smack your lips once you pull away.
You love, love, love the bath. You scream bloody murder every night when we take you out. Every night. It gets a little old, but, yay for another water baby. Your dad is going to start taking you to the pool soon, and teaching you to swim, and I hope you'll love that too.
You love to clean! It's hilarious! You walk around with the broom any chance you get. At home (in Laos) we have little brooms and dust pans that go together that you carry around ALL. THE. TIME. Of course, you are still at the point of making a bigger mess most of the time when you try to help, but, hey, you're so freaking cute, so we forgive you!
You love to dance. I fell in love with the band The Lumineers when you were about 6 months old, and then they were all I listened to for a long time. When you hear the first bars of "Flowers in your hair", the first song on their album, you just start bouncing. It's hilarious. I love to watch you try to get the hang of dancing. Right now, you more so bop up and down, or you walk around. Most wouldn't call it dancing. But it's developing, and I can't wait to see where it goes.
When you want something you grunt and groan. You kind of sound like a monkey. You do a "oooo oooo ooooo" when you really want something. You love to brush your teeth. You HATE diaper changes right now. You don't particularly like getting dressed, except you love putting on socks and shoes. This is new to you, because in Laos you basically haven't worn shoes as you never needed them. We're in Australia during the school holidays, and it's winter, so socks and shoes are a must. You carry your shoes around and try to put them on yourself. You are completely incapable of doing it, but you try. And it is adorable.
You're starting to play with cars. You're even making car noises. You love balls. You push around this little wooden "lawnmower." You love to play with any toy you can push- your walker, your sister's doll stroller. Heck, you love to push chairs around if you can! You color and draw too. It surprises me. But you hold writing instruments like you've always known what to do. You love animals. Well, you love watching them. We've taken you to a zoo and to a farm, and you just sit and watch those animals for hours. You have a much longer attention span for them than your sister, which is impressive.
You have a weird obsession with bottles. Shampoo bottles. Lotion bottles. Toothpaste tubes. Diaper cream tubes. It's the caps you like. You like to pull them open with your teeth. Sometimes you try to suck stuff out. It's gross. But you scream at us when we take them away from you. Geez.
You are a cuddly, happy boy. You've recently discovered the world beyond me. You love your dad, and will go to him, cuddle him, and kiss him, too. But you're still my cuddly boy. You lay your giant head on my shoulder and I hold you close and will you to stay small like this forever. You smile and you laugh and you're just so, so, so perfect.
Life has changed in your first year. Hell, it's been tough. It hasn't been an easy year for our family. You were an impossibly large bright spot- but we struggled through financial woes, me going back to work, dealing with your sister who went from terrible twos to terrifying threes. It's been rough. But you have brought light and laughter and smiles to life day after day after day. Now that I am back at work, I miss you terribly in the days. I let you nurse all night, because I need you close as much as you need me. That said, I love that you sleep better than your sister ever did. But I'm not hurrying you to your own bed any time soon. I'm sad I'm not around to be with you during all the days anymore. But, the plan is to push through a couple years so that we can eventually have an even better life in just a few years. Trying to keep my eyes on the prize, and just enjoy you as much as I can in the meantime.
I adore you as a toddler. I loved you as a baby. I mean, I was head over heels with you as a baby. But you're like a drug now. I want more. I love watching you grow and learn and do new things. I'm looking forward to hearing you start talking. I know that might be a way off... but, you already have those two words and you use some sign language (nurse, more, drink, eat).
You're getting so big. You're wearing 18-24 months size clothing, your head is humongous. You eat so well- Baby Led Weaning for the win! You feed yourself, and you eat all kinds of stuff. Actually, you've just recently had your first eating "lull" when you went through a phase of not eating much at all, and it was super weird. The good news is that you are still nursing plenty, which gets me through the eating lulls, but also means that you still smell like baby. You still have milk breath. I'm holding on to that.
We have so much fun ahead of us, but, I love you so much the way you are. You're the best. In all those years I was scared to have a son, I obviously had NO FREAKING CLUE what a gift you would be.
I love you, baby boy.
Happy birthday.
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