Yesterday was one of those days. One of those days when you end up hating living abroad.
I have to admit, I don't have these days very often- but, when they hit, they are bad, usually especially because you don't really realize what's going on- you just know you're in a bad mood.
So, what happened for me happened in stages.
First, after a fairly good school day, I came home and tried to Skype with my mom and little brother. My little brother is home for Thanksgiving (tomorrow). Now for those of you that don't know- if I haven't mentioned it since LAST Thanksgiving; Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love it because you always get together with family (for me it was usually family that I don't see that often), you eat fabulous food (goodness I love the autumnal harvest feast!) and there are no presents. Don't get me wrong, I love giving (and certainly receiving) presents, but I find things like Christmas very stressful. I get VERY happy when I find presents that I know someone will really like, and that I am happy to give- but I'm really not into obligatory gift giving. Anyway, that is another tangent...
So I tried to Skype with my mom and brother. It was funny because they could hear me really well, but on my end it was all crackly, in and out and hard to hear. So they kept laughing when I couldn't hear them, or when I mis-heard what they were saying. Anyway, it was nice, but didn't last long because Joel and I had to go grocery shopping (when you have a bus booked, you have to go!).
When I got off the phone though- it hit me, they are there together, I'm here, not with them, or with anyone who is going to celebrate Thanksgiving and that all sucked just a bit.
So then we were in the store and I walked around the produce section for a long time, hoping to see something, well, fresh. I picked up some potatoes and some apples. I looked at the zucchini, cucumbers, squash, and really lots of other things- but honestly, it's not just that it's not the pretty, pretty produce we're used to in the States, its that it looks (and is!) old, and wrinkly and just well, not good. Hmph. So then I went to the frozen food aisle, and was thankfully able to pick up some broccoli and some of the good brand of spinach (one of em just tastes fishy, bleh!).
Then we walked up and down all the other aisles picking up this and that, but when we got to the end, I realized that, of the shopping list of ingredients for Thanksgiving foods I had, I hadn't been able to buy all of the ingredients for a single thing that I would have wanted to make on Thursday for dinner. I made Joel walk up and down the aisles one more time, just in case I missed something- but, I had done well the first time, and there was nothing to add to our cart. I got in line and just teared up. Suddenly, not being with family, and not being able to buy the food I wanted was all just too much. I swallowed my tears, but, just felt pooey.
I came home, in a bad mood, made and ate dinner (the frozen broccoli was nice) and was generally miserable for the rest of the night. This is what happens- when you're having a day like this, it sets you off, and then every next thing just makes you more cranky- suddenly the couch isn't big enough, there aren't enough tvs, it's too hot and then too cold- you get the idea.
The thing is when you choose to live like we do, a vital part of the arrangement is that you see, experience and enjoy where you are- but you also make sure you get out and spend some time in "normalcy" (normalcy of course being defined as what you are used to- which makes it a very subjective concept) as well. Usually you would do this during vacations. If you're really lucky, you might even get sent on some professional development trip to some place "normal".
In Latvia a trip to the UK or just across the Baltic sea to Sweden or Finland would count for this bit of normalcy. Of course summer breaks are the ultimate chance to get out and have your normal. How often you get out can really depend on where you are- and how far from "normal" the place where you are is - in Latvia it was enough to leave once a year, in China I left more often. Here in Angola, I have a feeling we might need a dose of normal more often than we did in Latvia. A hefty dose of fresh produce, nice shopping, and normal driving would all do me well.
When your "normal" reserves are full, you can really enjoy all that is wonderful about a place- but it gets harder the more depleted your normal reserves get- and obviously, the full 4+ months that we will have spent in Angola before we leave, is just a little too long without refueling the normal.
So...one of those days... thankfully it's over now... and I am aware, that I don't actually hate Angola or living abroad, I just need some normal. 17 days til Australia! :) (But, how normal will THAT be?)
(Oh, I'm just kidding all you Aussies!)
6 comments:
We loved celebrating Thanksgiving with you last year. It was our first time ever and I tell ya, Americans certainly know how to combine their sweet and savory (I seem to remember sweet potatoes and marshmallows... or is it just a dream??!) A pity we can't do it again this year ;)
It is a pity. Please do not remind me anymore of the things I cannot have. Make some sweet potatoes with marshmallows and eat them for me. :)
Totally relating on needing the normal. This has actually been a daily conversation in our household the last month or so. It's been a year and a half since I've been out - a full two since KB has been out, and it is not pretty. Our big travel plans were scheduled for ski break this year, but we are thinking we may have to make something happen during winter break. So big hugs, because I can totally relate, and hang in there, Australia will do a world of good!
Hmmm... I think my "not normal" place is starting to feel awfully normal... Does that make me not normal?? :)
Nah, Liga, I think it means one or all of a couple things- 1) you've been there a long time, 2) it isn't THAT different from your normal place (like, LV is still more like USA than Cambodia or Kenya would be), and 3) you have a vested interest in it being your normal. But also, you gotta admit- you guys do travel a bit, and you have visitors come in, all of which makes normal, or at least a part of normal, more available to you.
But of course, not normal becomes normal- I did write that somewhere on my blog at some point (I think pretty early on). After living in China for two years, it honest to God took me a while to stop throwing used toilet paper into the bin instead of into the toilet. In China, especially out in public, you had to throw it in the bin, because the plumbing couldn't handle even regular toilet paper- so I just got used to it, and it became normal. I remember once though, doing it at my dad's house, and I just stopped myself and was like, "Mara, what are you DOING?"
I also think that for every one of us there are certain aspects of home that make normal. Like for me grocery stores are a big one- but only to a certain extent. I do get overwhelmed (but delighted) by American grocery stores these days. Also, customer service and the way people drive and the roads available to drive on- America is normal for me. But that doesn't mean I didn't get used to Latvian customer service and wasn't completely like almost running out of the store overwhelmed by American customer service when I went home in March. Ooooeeee- that was a big one.
I think that as with the am I Latvian or am I American question (the answer is that I am unequivocally Latvian-American), so goes it with "normal" after living abroad for a long time- normal becomes some diverse concept taken from the many places you've lived. But, I still think, that there will always be SOMETHING about your where-you-come-from-home that will make you sigh a pleased sigh that no place else ever will.
Wow, that was a blog within a blog. Sorry!
I don't need normal per se, but I do need some sanity. Movers come on the 9th to start packing up all our worldly goods and between now and then, I will be by myself with Eriks and trying to purge old things and put away stuff that I forbid the movers to move for us. Nothing major, just my wedding gown, Christmas gifts, tautas terps, Eriks baptismal gown, etc...but I will be doing most of it by myself while remaining primary care giver and taxi cab.
Hang in there. It'll be nice and sunny in Australia for Christmas won't it???
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