What she is referring to is the fact that now that Johans has been born and completed our family, this is it. This is us. This is us not just today, but, for a long time to come!
Mom is right. This is big.
First of all, it's big for me, as the person responsible for growing all new members of our family. Every time I had a baby, of course, I was interested in trying to get back in shape, but, there was always this voice in my head which said, "Hey, what's the point, you're just gonna get pregnant again!" But, not anymore! This time, this is it! I have about 18 months until I turn 40. There is time... but it's time to DO SOMETHING for sure!
And of course, when I say DO SOMETHING, I mean things like, honor the journey my body has been on. Feed it delicious, nutritious food. Move it in all the ways that make me happy- right now it's Pilates, and hopefully, relatively soon it will be weights and cardio again because while I enjoy Pilates, weights make me giddy. I want to lift some heavy shit! This body is a machine- and right now the machine has been through 9 years of tough work. It needs some love and attention for sure.
Our children are now all here. They have each other. Beni will never have a biological sister- though I can only wish for her to grow to find sisterhood among her peers like I have with mine. She is the big sister to three brothers. She and Zintis, though they would never admit it, are still best friends, and I hope that continues forever. The little boys will have each other. And ultimately they will all have each other. Beni will be in university before Johans enters high school, so who knows what their relationship will be like over the long run. Perhaps it will make them closer, perhaps the opposite.
As a mother, I can only sit and wonder about who they will become. Who will have children first? Who will have children at all? The paths they will take are certainly not predestined. If I had to take a stab at it now- I would say Beni will take a predictably responsible path. She may end up doing something with animals, like becoming a vet. She already says she wants kids, so I hope she finds someone with whom to make that happen, as raising kids in a partnership is definitely easier. Zintis will, I think, do something wild. He may take a more alternative path. He loves numbers and math, and has a unique way of thinking when it comes to them- but he won't become an accountant. If he uses his love of maths in the future it will be in an artistic way, or some wild crazy way that makes him a billionaire. That would be cool. Vilnis, if anyone will, will grow to be like his father. Either his wildness will take him into actual sports, or, he'll follow directly in dad's footsteps and become a PE teacher. But he'll have to get all that energy out somehow. Or maybe he'll follow in his godfather's footsteps and be an outdoorsman. I could see that. He'll be giving us all heart attacks climbing cliff faces without any kind of safety measures or something. And Johans, well, it's really too early to tell just yet. But whatever he does, my guess is that it will be a serious job to which he brings joy. Because so far, he is my most serious baby yet, but then, given a reason to smile (like a diaper change) he is just all smiles and giggles. He'll make people smile, that is for sure.
Anyway, that's all a mother's crazy predictions, and I wouldn't put money on any of them. These kids will grow up to be ordinary humans, each extraordinary in their own way.
This year, Joel and I will celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. 10 years! It hardly seems possible it was that long ago until we look at our soon to be 9-year-old daughter. :) In any case, now that we're done baby-making, we still have to get through baby-raising of course- no small feat- but, certainly, it will mark a new phase in our relationship as well. Within two years, I will no longer have a baby at home, within 3-4 years I will no longer have a nursling. It won't be too long until we're no longer tied down to small children that need us ALL THE TIME. We'll still have 4 kids, and I know they will always need us, and I know the demands will change over time- Beni is already giving us a preview of the shitshow the teen years might be- but, it will be different than a tiny baby who literally needs your body to survive. Who knows what will open up for us, and what we will have to sort through as a couple. But, I am pretty clear there will be some stuff to sort through. Focusing on babies for 9 years takes a toll on a relationship. It changes people. And Joel and I will have to find our new connection. The focus shifts for us- from growing to establishing. Like, before, our family was being added to all the time. Now, we're all here and it's about establishing who we are as a family.
I wanted another girl. We have 1 girl and 3 boys. Of course, we do. That was meant to be the way it is. Johans was meant for our family. His sweet little smile is the perfect launching point into the future. Because this is us.
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