Sometimes, it's the things you can't put your finger on...

until you do. I just put my finger on a big one.

Living abroad is wonderful and amazing and full of adventure- but there are always things you miss about "home." I've often listed such things... Taco Bell, customer service, Old Navy, Ben & Jerry's and of course friends and family (of course, of course!). :)

Yesterday, I came across a message posted on the internet- someone in the States asking what to put in a care package for an American who had recently moved to Holland to be with his wife and was now desperately homesick. I suggested a few things- snack foods and/or candy, magazines or newspapers, holiday foods- but I also mentioned that sometimes it's not as easy as that. Sometimes you can't put in a care package the things that a person is really homesick for.

In the last few days I've been nearly overcome with want for cranberry jelly. Yeah, the wobbly stuff that comes in a can, and has ridges down its side (from the can). I don't want it for right now of course, I want it for Thanksgiving. Because, how can you have Thanksgiving without cranberry jelly? I've lamented my desire to several people who have all graciously offered to send me some- but alas, it would cost way too much to send, and would probably never get here anyway. So, yeah, there is something you could put in a care package for me- I can put my finger on that.

But tonight I put my finger on something else- something that just resounded so deeply within me that well, I was moved to write about it here. :)

I miss singing in the car. There is really nothing like being alone in the car and being able to turn your favorite song (of the moment) on full blast and belting along in your loudest voice. The music is usually so loud that it totally sounds like you're singing just as well as the person coming through the speakers. The music and your own effort is so loud that it moves something inside you, releases something- emotions, energy- good, good things. And you don't have to worry about people watching you or listening to you- you're driving, generally moving too fast to bother anyone for more than a second or two. And if someone does see you, well, whatever, you'll probably never see them again!

Now, singing in the car is of course, not an activity that one can only do in the States. I do think however, that an area similar to where I grew up is particularly conducive to it. Why? Well, in a place like Kalamazoo, you generally have to drive for a while to get anywhere- I mean, not a long while, but the length of a good song for sure- and often a few times over. Also, the traffic is not nearly as bad as lots of places- because let's face it if you were stuck in say Riga or Luanda traffic- you actually would be next to the next car WAY long enough to annoy the piss out of them if you had your stereo up full blast. But Kalamazoo doesn't usually have traffic jams that bad- and even if it does, the roads are wide enough that you're still further away from the other cars than you would be in those tight old cities. :)

Some might say why not just turn up your stereo at home- and I have just one word for that- neighbors. I hate having to hear my neighbors through the walls, and if I turned up the music as loud as I wanted, I would be seriously violating the Golden Rule. Plus, eventually you have to look these people in the face- especially in our situation where our neighbors are all our colleagues- and knowing that they've heard you off key and so on belting out possibly embarrassing songs... I just don't want to face that. It just doesn't offer the same release and comfort that singing in the car does.

Goodness knows that when I lived in Riga I used to try to get away with just listening to my mp3 player on the way too and from school- LOUDLY at that- but eventually there is always something you want to sing along to, so you try humming, but you can't tell how loud you're actually being, and the people on the bus or tram start looking at you kind of funny... I remember before Joel and I always went to work together I would look forward to getting off the bus and hitting the point in the walk that led down a relatively quiet street to school. Unless there was another teacher walking to school, there weren't usually many other people on the street that early in the morning. As soon as I would get there, I would look around in all directions and then finally start singing. :) But I still didn't want to do it too loudly- there were houses along that road and I tell ya, some people walk fast- they'd catch up with me out of no where!

So, for me, singing in the car reminds me of home- and is something I get homesick for- and it's something that I generally wouldn't be able to put my finger on- I couldn't name it when someone asked, "What can I send you in a care package?" And alas, they couldn't send it to me anyway.

You might be wondering what helped me put my finger on this tonight...(maybe?) Well, I'll just tell you, I was watching one of my current favorite shows Glee. It's about a high school glee club and the trials and tribulations of the students and teachers in it. The best part though, is that every episode includes at least two or three songs done full on by the cast- often show tunes, or pop songs re-mixed. It's great. The episode I watched tonight included a song from the show Wicked which Joel and I (finally) saw in NYC in June. Musical theater sits high on the list of things I miss living abroad- there was a point while watching the show Wicked that I started crying, not because of the show being particularly moving at that point, but because I was just overcome with enjoying being in the audience. I'm super excited that my mom is handling buying tickets for a few different shows that we'll go see together during my maternity leave.

What I am saying is, I can't wait for about two months or so from now when I will have received the Wicked soundtrack for Christmas (OFFICIALLY on my list!) and I can drive around with the sound all the way up, singing along like the star I wanna-be (not really) and without a worry in the world. :)