Been painting...

Sometimes it's good to be kind of child-like. A looong time ago, a good friend IS from Kalamazoo suggested to me that I get a box of crayons and a pad of paper and draw to get some "stuff" out. She was helping me work on my energy/state of being through her art- and suggested that I try through my own art.

I did go out and buy some crayons. Then I moved on and also got pastels. That was all back in Kalamazoo. When I moved to China, I was working with pastels more than anything else, but not too often.

In Latvia, I used pastels and colored pencils. Thanks to DB I have a few wonderful adult coloring books (they are books of mandalas to color, not like "adult" content!). I have really enjoyed coloring the mandalas- but I find that sometimes it's too daunting to think about the stuff the book tells you to think about. Sometimes I just want to chill and color.

Since arriving in Luanda, I have colored a couple mandalas, but, I have also picked up watercolors. At first I got some from the store- just a little kiddie pack of cheap ones. They weren't bad, but, no wait, actually, they were bad. I painted three paintings with em, and just got annoyed, because they were crap. Then we got that shipment of stuff for school (the container) and it came with a certain C-name brand of water colors. I got em out for the kids, but I loved em. Oh my goodness, I loved em. The other teacher/my superior said I could borrow a pack for at home use, since I loved em so much.

So, I have been painting. Sometimes with an aim. Sometimes without.

By the way, I don't by any means proclaim to be an artist. I would not say at all that I have an artists eye or ability. I do this for fun. And for expression. For release. So whether this art is "good" or "bad" is of no bother to me. That isn't what it's about- and I am not at all proclaiming that it is good!

This picture of flowers was just for fun. Sometimes, being a regular, non-artist type person, I get a picture in my head, and I wonder if there is any chance I could recreate the picture I see in my head on paper. So this was an attempt. I actually think I did pretty well (but only I know, because only I know what was in my head, hey?).

This picture had much more behind it. Through conversations with my mom, DB and AS, I have been exploring my spirituality. Specifically with DB we discussed the need for a visual when praying. Praying has never really been a part of my life. And I will admit- the thought of doing it feels kind of weird. I don't know who I'm talking to, what I am trying to connect with. That said, I know I believe in God/Goddess/a Higher Power- but I have never expressed my faith in a way that involved direct communication between myself and any such being. Because I can't seem to get over a myriad of issues in my life, it seems its time to look for something bigger. My mom keeps telling me to talk to my angels. I got a Note from the Universe the other day that said I wasn't using all of my angels. I like the idea that I have angels. So, I decided to try to give one a face, one that I might then be more comfortable communicating with. So here's what I got:

This one I did at school while the kids were painting too. They all liked it. :) It's amazing how good a 4-year-olds compliment can make you feel, because darnit, they're just so genuine!

The struggle, the struggle... love. At least I'm still thinking about it. Again, it isn't about romantic love- it's about love for myself. It's about knowing that I have this huge, powerful beating heart inside of me (I'm not talking about the literal one) and that it can provide me with all the strength I need. But I need to remember it, and to be in touch with it. And to accept what it offers- because the self love thing- it's still a bit hard.

Finally, this one is a work in progress (on paper only). I know exactly what it is, and I think it will be obvious to a lot of other people, because I think it is pretty obvious- but, some of you might have to have a think I guess.