It's starting to feel more real (but not really) in the last few days...
On Thursday we had the last day of school with students. As always, it was a bit of a crazy day- lots of running around and making sure that everything is in place and taken care of before I'm out of time. It was a long but satisfying school day. As I wrote before, I shed a few tears saying goodbye to some families. After spending the whole year with these kids, it's hard to imagine that I won't see some of them next year as they step their first tentative steps into grade one. It wasn't always an easy year this year- in fact this class/year was trying in a way that I haven't encountered before now. But, nonetheless, it's sad to see some of em go.
Thursday night we had our staff party. That was a good time. As school tradition dictates though, official goodbyes were said. One of our colleagues said a few words about us (in fact, it went something like, "And now here's the good news... Mara and Joel are leaving!" -and everyone cheered!). We were presented flowers and presents. And then of course, we were expected to speak. It was my turn to say a few words on our behalf, so I went ahead and tried. Of course, with how up and down the last few years have been, it turns out now, that looking back, it's very obvious what was the larger purpose was in my coming to and being in Latvia. Sure, there were lots of lessons and experiences along the way, but I met Joel here, and I can think of no better reason or outcome to having lived through the last three years. I tried to say all of this- and actually I was able- but then I had to add at the end, that our colleagues were the bonus to having met Joel, and of course, I could not say it, literally. I just stopped, choking back the tears. I finally spit the word out, but with it came tears. There were quite a few wet eyes in the room after that- I guess not everyone is all that happy we're leaving. :)
Today, I had the first goodbye to dear friends. Friends and colleagues DC and LC + toddler + the bun in the oven leave for their summer gig tomorrow. They don't even get to come to our party. I didn't think about how hard it would be to say goodbye. But I realized when I was giving the first hug that these were my first real friends in Latvia. They took me in under their wing when I showed up in Riga all alone (and an emotional mess). They were with me through the ups and downs that were my life when HG was still around, and then I got to be there for their biggest "up" to date- the birth of the now toddler. I was the first person (aside from themselves and hospital staff) to hold him. He was only 5 hours old. Recently, I might have been one of the first to guess that LC was expecting again- not because I could see it physically- but because I know them and their life so well, that I *just knew* she was. It's hard to believe that I won't be around to hold this one when he's 5 hours old. So yeah, the one hug turned into many, and the third cry in two days.
After saying goodbye I finished packing up my classroom. I left what has been my space for the last three years (the room) empty, and (the cupboards) as organized as possible for my replacement. The last look in on those bare white walls and giant empty space was sort of chilling- again, just plain hard to imagine.
So here we are- it's the beginning of the end. It has begun. It isn't going to be easy to leave. It's definitely going to be a bittersweet goodbye. I'm not sure when it will even really hit me- when I leave for Madrid in a couple of weeks? When my time in Madrid ends, and I don't return to Latvia? Or will it be on take off to, or touch down in Luanda? It's hard to know with these things.
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