Sigh... isn't she just the most perfect thing, ever?
We've been residing in the gray recently...that is, not seeing things in black and white. It seem- and I think this is generally a good thing- that I am not generally, as a parent, seeing things in black and white. I'm often going back and forth on things, which leaves me in the gray area.
The biggest thing we've been dealing with is sleep. Beni used to be a very, very good sleeper. Sure, in the very beginning I was tired, but, I don't think my lack of sleep compared at all to most new moms because Beni slept so well from day 1- until a few weeks ago. We now have a child who wakes often in the evening (she goes to bed at 6:30/7:00, and wakes often between 7 and 12), fusses often in the night (between 12 and 6).
So I've been doing research, reading books on sleep, and trying to figure out what to do, or if to do anything- often pondering the question, is this a phase or a problem? Certain things will not be changing- we'll continue co-sleeping, and I'm certainly going to continue breastfeeding, even in the night, if she really needs it. I am trying to get her to take the paci in the night now and then, or just to soothe her with cuddles and music instead of boob. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes I find myself getting a little worked up, because there is so much pressure to "do things right" (as if that is one obvious way). And everyone always asks, "Is she a good baby?" and "Does she sleep well?" The first question is obviously the stupidest question ever... has anyone EVER answered that question by saying, "No, she's bad"??? But there is so much pressure about the sleep thing as well. As if sleep is the greatest measure of a successful parent. I don't know...Beni is about the happiest baby...everywhere we go people always say she's amazing, that she always seems happy, that she is calm and inquisitive and just an all around joy. But she's not sleeping a 12 hour stretch...does one negate the other?
Anyway... my gray area on it is that while it would be nice and certainly very convenient for her to sleep 12 hours- which is why I find myself doing little things here and there to encourage her longer sleep- I also know that she's just this little tiny person. And who knows what is going on inside that head. Who knows why she wakes often, or what she's thinking, or why she's crying, instead of just falling back asleep. What I do know, is that she will only be this small for such a very, very short time- I know, because I see my friends and family living it all the time- that I will blink and she will be like 3 and all of this will be behind us, and there is a chance that she will be such a fiercely independent little girl that she will give me a kiss goodnight and roll over to go to sleep in her own bed. Who knows. I do know she won't be nursing or cuddling me to sleep when she's going off to university- we're safe there.
So I waver between wanting her to go ahead and sleep longer, and feeling like who cares...if she needs me in the middle of the night right now, then she needs me in the middle of the night right now. The choices we have made for our family, with me staying home, allow for me to be available to her at night if she needs me because I don't have to worry about being awake at work the next day. That said, even though she fusses at night, we still sleep pretty well because of the co-sleeping, because when she wakes I don't have to get up, or even wake up fully to tend to her.
I'll tell ya what doesn't fall into my gray area- me standing, probably crying, outside of the room inside which my child lies crying. Right now, for my little 7 mos old baby, that is a very definite black space, otherwise known as not going to happen. If mamma and baby are both crying, I just don't see the good....it doesn't sound like fun for anyone. If the time does come when I really need to teach my child to sleep, then, as with everything I ever hope to teach my child, I will choose a method that does not automatically include my child being in tears. I'm not saying there might not be some tears along the way anyway...but, my intention would be to avoid them.
So yeah... that's our gray space for now... revolving around the sleep issue. Who knows what the next one might be, or how this one might resolve itself.
The biggest thing we've been dealing with is sleep. Beni used to be a very, very good sleeper. Sure, in the very beginning I was tired, but, I don't think my lack of sleep compared at all to most new moms because Beni slept so well from day 1- until a few weeks ago. We now have a child who wakes often in the evening (she goes to bed at 6:30/7:00, and wakes often between 7 and 12), fusses often in the night (between 12 and 6).
So I've been doing research, reading books on sleep, and trying to figure out what to do, or if to do anything- often pondering the question, is this a phase or a problem? Certain things will not be changing- we'll continue co-sleeping, and I'm certainly going to continue breastfeeding, even in the night, if she really needs it. I am trying to get her to take the paci in the night now and then, or just to soothe her with cuddles and music instead of boob. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes I find myself getting a little worked up, because there is so much pressure to "do things right" (as if that is one obvious way). And everyone always asks, "Is she a good baby?" and "Does she sleep well?" The first question is obviously the stupidest question ever... has anyone EVER answered that question by saying, "No, she's bad"??? But there is so much pressure about the sleep thing as well. As if sleep is the greatest measure of a successful parent. I don't know...Beni is about the happiest baby...everywhere we go people always say she's amazing, that she always seems happy, that she is calm and inquisitive and just an all around joy. But she's not sleeping a 12 hour stretch...does one negate the other?
Anyway... my gray area on it is that while it would be nice and certainly very convenient for her to sleep 12 hours- which is why I find myself doing little things here and there to encourage her longer sleep- I also know that she's just this little tiny person. And who knows what is going on inside that head. Who knows why she wakes often, or what she's thinking, or why she's crying, instead of just falling back asleep. What I do know, is that she will only be this small for such a very, very short time- I know, because I see my friends and family living it all the time- that I will blink and she will be like 3 and all of this will be behind us, and there is a chance that she will be such a fiercely independent little girl that she will give me a kiss goodnight and roll over to go to sleep in her own bed. Who knows. I do know she won't be nursing or cuddling me to sleep when she's going off to university- we're safe there.
So I waver between wanting her to go ahead and sleep longer, and feeling like who cares...if she needs me in the middle of the night right now, then she needs me in the middle of the night right now. The choices we have made for our family, with me staying home, allow for me to be available to her at night if she needs me because I don't have to worry about being awake at work the next day. That said, even though she fusses at night, we still sleep pretty well because of the co-sleeping, because when she wakes I don't have to get up, or even wake up fully to tend to her.
I'll tell ya what doesn't fall into my gray area- me standing, probably crying, outside of the room inside which my child lies crying. Right now, for my little 7 mos old baby, that is a very definite black space, otherwise known as not going to happen. If mamma and baby are both crying, I just don't see the good....it doesn't sound like fun for anyone. If the time does come when I really need to teach my child to sleep, then, as with everything I ever hope to teach my child, I will choose a method that does not automatically include my child being in tears. I'm not saying there might not be some tears along the way anyway...but, my intention would be to avoid them.
So yeah... that's our gray space for now... revolving around the sleep issue. Who knows what the next one might be, or how this one might resolve itself.
1 comment:
I agree with most everything you have said here. I feel blessed to be a stay at home wife and mother, and feel that allows me to be there for my child whenever he needs me- including in the middle of the night. As for "sleep training", I feel it is my responsibility as his parent to teach him healthy sleep habits. We chose the No Cry Sleep Solution for that reason. I am able to help him learn healthy sleep habits WITHOUT making him cry it out. You are a great mom, Mara. I'm glad to know you and have the opportunity to learn from you.
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