And then there was psycho...

Ok... so my first couple of days in the hotel were, I now realize, bliss. My own room, my own bathroom, my own rules. Ok, I guess I had to follow some common decency rules, but nothing, oh NOTHING, like the rules at my new place. YIKES!!!

I have moved in with psycho landlady. See, Brenda (my roommate from the program) and I thought, according to what we'd been told, that we would be sharing a small apartment, just the two of us. Well, yesterday, I arrived at my apartment to check in, only to meet my landlady, who I realized, was not leaving. She lives here, with us, all the time. And not just that, three other girls (all undergrads studying Spanish) live here as well. And did I mention there is only one bathroom?

When I first arrived, I was met by Ms. M the housing lady from my school. I quickly realized that she spoke very little English. She brought me upstairs, to meet my landlady, who also speaks very minimal English. Ms. M left fairly quickly. I assume she'd been dropping off students such as myself all day, and was glad to be done.

As soon as Ms. M left though, my Spanish lessons started. I didn't sign up for this, but apparently, to live in this apartment, you have to become fluent in the Spanish of rules. I learned in a rather drawn out matter of time, that I am allowed one shower a day, and I must turn off the water while I am soaping up, and only have it on to get wet and rinse. Also I must make sure that the outer shower curtain remains outside the shower, and the inner inside the shower, and that I put the bathmat down while I shower, and replace it on the edge of the tub when I am done. I am to hang my clothes in the waredrobe, or fold them into the dresser, and to put my suitcase on top of the wardrobe when it is empty. I am to put dirty clothes in the bag provided, and landlady will wash them once a week, and no more. I am to close the window at night, but leave it open during the day for air. I am not to make or receive phone calls on the house phone. I am to close my bedroom door when I am home, and leave it open when I am gone. All this I learned in the first half an hour of being in this place.

I quickly unpacked, and got the fuck out of dodge.

I met Brenda when she got home late Sunday night. She was beside herself about this living arrangement. She is a married 37 year old woman, and has no need for a "OCD mom" watching her every step. Oh, and also, while my bedroom is a spacious 15 sq feet, hers is possibly 10. She was livid.

When I asked the landlady if I could have some space in the fridge to put my food, she cleared out exactly (ok, about) 12 inches. Joel can well attest that I need WAY more than 12 inches of space in the damn fridge.

Tonight Brenda and I cooked some pasta for ourselves for dinner. Thankfully, landlady was not home. We were very careful to use only what we needed in the way of dishes, and to completely clean up after ourselves afterwards. Seriously, we washed the dishes, wiped the counters and the stove, and put most things back where we got them.

Then, I went out to work at an outdoor cafe to do some reading, and write another paper. It was delightful. When I got home, landlady attacked. Brenda, bless her soul, seems to already be sleeping, but I'm wondering if she got the same schpiel (sp?) when the landlady got home. It was another full 20 minutes of rules in Spanish. I must use this sponge to wash dishes, and place it back EXACTLY in this spot when I am done. I must wipe the stove with this rag. I must wipe the counters with this one. I must sweep the floor if I use the kitchen. I must put garbage here, and recycling there. Our food must go here and here, and NOT here. When opening the fridge, I must open it using the handle, and not by grabbing the edge of the door. When I close the fridge, I must make sure that I hear the "shut" sound the fridge makes. In the mornings, I am not allowed to use the stove, and can heat up water in the microwave. When using the microwave, I must set it to 2 minutes. If I turn the microwave on, I must let it run for the duration of the time, and should not by any means turn the dial backwards. The dial is ONLY to be turned to the right. If my food or water is overheating, I am to take it out and let the microwave turn off on its own. I am to recycle every single thing that can possibly be recycled, including text books if I decide that I no longer need them. (Ok, this one is not so bad, but I didn't need 5 full minutes on the merits of recycling in Spanish.) If I was at all before, I am no longer comfortable cooking in this woman's kitchen.

When I got back to my room, I realized that I had a bottle and the leftovers of a muffin that needed to be thrown out. I was terrified to walk back into the kitchen, but managed to place everything in the appropriate spot (plastic bottle in the recycling bag, muffin in the garbage). Whew. Then I had to brush my teeth. Eek! I went into the bathroom, turned the water on for exactly 2.2 seconds to wet my toothbrush. I brushed for exactly 2 minutes, and then turned the water on for 20 seconds to rinse. I think she *might* have been standing at the door.

Brenda and I talked to Ms. M today. We want to move, and I don't think you can blame us. This lady has a clean house that is for sure. But we're adults, and we did not sign up for this. It's one thing to rent an apartment, or even a room... it's another to sign up for Spanish apartment-living boot camp.

If you think I am kidding about any of this, you should come visit, and find out for yourself. Oh, except, I am only allowed to have friends over if I first let the landlady know that you are coming, and exactly how long you will be here. I'm sorry, but it will have to be a short visit.

P.S. In other news, the first day of classes was good. I have the hardest class (Research Methods) first, but based on today, I feel much better about it. It will be hard, but actually having some face to face time with the instuctor made a huge difference. For as much as I was not looking forward to being a student again, I am surprised at how much I am enjoying it.

P.P.S. My second bag, the backpack full of books, etc is still MIA. I am borrowing make-up from Brenda, books from several classmates, and one of my other roommate's phone charger. The Dean of the program talked to the airport today on my behalf, gave them his phone number as a contact, and the school's address as a delivery point. I really hope I see this bag in the next few days. If not, I will be more than happy to receive no less than a $400 check from Lufthansa to cover the cost of the books, calculator, tube of Vegemite, make-up, hairdryer, towel and phone charger (not to mention $50 backpack) that is lost.